September
Journaling
1. Just a quiet day at home, bbq-ing
burgers and cleaning a bit.
2. Another good writing day, my last
before I head back to work tomorrow. Also went out for coffee after dinner,
with my husband. Am I a bad mom if I say I’m enjoying the first day of our
empty nest?
3. Back to work tonight. I’m nervous
about it only because my pain has been getting worse and the pain killers are
slowing me down. Straight from work in the morning I go to see a specialist. A
Rheumatologist; they specialize in problems with bones and joints and muscles,
like arthritis and lupus. I’m hoping to get a step closer to a diagnosis for
what’s been causing me pain for the past year and getting some relief. The
Robax aren’t holding the pain off for longer than two hours now.
4. So after driving through rush hour
traffic (I don’t know how people do that every day) to the wrong place at
first, then waiting another hour to see the Rheumatologist, she told me she
doesn’t think I have Polymyalgia Rheumatica, but a Chronic Pain Syndrome
brought on by the Mononucleosis I had last summer. She said if that’s the case
there’s no cure. She ordered more tests to rule out other things, and told me
to wean off the Robax and gave me Naprosyn and Baclofen, a Non-steroidal
anti-inflammatory and a stronger muscle relaxant. Relief would be nice, I hope
it works. But it was discouraging to hear there would probably be no ultimate
relief from it. I’m only 50. Do I have to look forward to a few decades of
pain? I can see how this could lead to depression. At this point I was hopeful
that it could get better. Even if it had been the PMR instead, that is usually
self-limiting and goes away spontaneously after about two years, which would
have been okay since I’m already into the second year, but alas, it’s not. But
at least I know it’s not in my head, and that I don’t have to worry that each
new ache or pain is some new dread disease. A girl can get paranoid.
5. A good night last night. Hopefully,
I’ll have a good sleep today.
6. The medication has made me light
headed, but I don’t mind, because I can move much more freely with these new
medications.
7. My mom is coming home from Finland
tonight after 10 weeks away.
8. Back to work for four nights, but I
don’t even mind because my pain is 85% improved. Thank God! I don’t feel light
headed anymore either. For the first time in a year I am not thinking about my
pain every minute. I am leaping around the house, jumping for joy! Here is a
picture of me, jumping for joy, from a few years back, but that’s how I feel
now.
9. Wow! What a change! I have energy and
mental alertness. I feel like I can do my job. When my husband came home and asked
how my pain was, I said, “What pain?” I haven’t answered him that way in almost
two years.
10. A very busy night, with only two of us instead
of three, but I got all my work done and didn’t have that feeling that I missed
something. That’s a nice feeling.
11. Slept poorly again.
12. Slept all day, then cleaned out a closet.
13. We went to the maternity home I volunteer in,
and my husband put together a change table for one of the new moms. I was glad
he was able to come and see what Wings is all about, and meet Marion and get a
tour. I think he’ll be helping there as well as much as he can.
14. Being pain free has given me so much energy.
Cleaning and rearranging cupboards and furniture. Also had a doctor’s
appointment to rearrange meds. She was shocked to hear my pain was controlled.
15. I had my first meeting with the counsellor and
even though I didn’t think I’d cry, just bringing up the pain over leaving
Faith did it. I also didn’t realize how many losses I’ve been dealing with
these past two years. Yikes! Anyway, this was just an assessment day, and they’ll
assign someone else to be my counsellor. This one knew my daughter and said, “She’s
awesome! I know we’re not supposed to have favourites, but…”
16. Work. Thankful when my mom offers to cook for
us. I can sleep longer or just wake up slowly.
17. My husband is taking a course at Toronto
Baptist Seminary on Early Church History. He’s loving it. He’s only auditing it
so he doesn’t have to hand in assignments but he’s trying to do them anyway,
just to challenge himself. Dr. Haykin is a great teacher.
18. I volunteered at Wings today. They didn’t need
anyone for childcare so I helped with lunch. I made a homemade tomato soup, and
they also had chicken pot pie, Caesar salad, broccoli and pumpkin pie. Delish!
I didn’t realize how fast time would fly and navigating in someone else’s
kitchen slowed me down. I was thankful she eased me into it this way, where I
wasn’t responsible for the whole meal. I’d like to do that again. What a
challenge, but so much fun.
19. Weekends fly so fast, but I have more energy.
I almost forgot what it was like. Also we had friends over from out of town.
They were just over for about six hours, for dinner. My husband made jerked
chicken, and we had a Jamaican meal. The best part was that they were so
supportive about our church situation. They go to our former Pastor’s son’s
church and he has been very understanding as well.
20. So this is what summer is supposed to feel
like! It says something about how bad our summer has been when the first heat
alert occurs in September.
21. I
can’t get over how much easier work seems since I am not in pain every minute.
22. Oh.
My. Goodness. What a busy night! Fifteen patients for two nurses. But it’s over
and I’m off for four nights.
23. I got a message from the daughter of a former
founding member of our old church. She read the book I compiled, Testimonies of
Faith, and encouraged me. She said I did a great job. Nice to hear. Someone
else who read it said it’s a great legacy to leave at Faith even if we’re not
there anymore.
24. I
went to the walk and talk with some women from church. It’s nice to get to know
some of the women.
25. My
appointment was changed again as the counsellor had a family emergency. Now
I’ll be going in two weeks.
26. My
youngest daughter came home for a day to attend the funeral of her Pastor here
in Toronto. Not a nice reason to come, but it was nice to see her. I also had a
good day reading through my manuscript to see which final few scenes I need to
write and what I still need to research. I also went through each scene to see
that I knew what the goal and conflict was, and looking for plot holes that needed
to be filled.
27. My new church had the first women’s
meeting/breakfast of the fall season. We also brought baby clothes for a local
pregnancy care centre. (I also bought something for my grandbaby). I also bought
paint for a desk, but I won’t start painting till Monday.
28. A great day at our new church today. Pastor
Randy started a series in the evening, going through 1 Samuel, which is great
for me, since that impacts my novel writing set in the same time period. I’m
trying not to think that today is the 50th anniversary service at
Faith. It breaks my heart to think about it. I think as time goes on, the pain
seems to get worse. We also got two calls yesterday from people there, asking
if we’d come back and saying they miss us. When people don’t know what
happened, they imagine things, and don’t understand why we couldn’t come back.
What would we be coming back to? What would we be celebrating? No, our days there
are over, but I’m still upset about how it happened and the stories that are
still circulating. We’d like to move on.
29. I started painting my desk, table and shelves.
It’s kind of brighter green than I expected, and shiny, but it’ll be a
statement piece, if nothing else. I can’t tell you how much of a big deal it is
for me to even consider a project like painting. I haven’t had the strength,
energy or motivation to work on a project for two years.
30. I also went to Value Village and got two wall
shelves and a low square desk for $11 which I will paint the same colour as the
desk and put them in my writing room. Good deal, eh?
