Surgery

March Journaling

1.  So I had a test today. It was normal, which is good. But still no cause for this abdominal pain.

2.  Visiting my grandson overnight.

3.  Home. Napped three hours. Such abdominal pain.

4.  Surgery today, to remove my gallbladder.

5. The surgery went well, no complications, but because of the Fibro my pain was amplified.

6.  I’m missing church today. Not up to it yet.

7.  Wonders never cease. My husband joined facebook.

8.  Today is International Women’s Day. I’m one! My pain is better controlled so I’m starting to decrease the dose.

9.   My husband took me to the mall to get some exercise walking around on his arm.

10.  My mom came to help me out for a few days. The house smells amazing from all her cooking.

11. Going to run some errands with my mom’s help.

12.  My grandson took eight steps today!

13.   It was such a nice day, we went out for a walk in the ravine. It’s good for me to get some exercise post-surgery. Also I slept eight hours last night and didn’t even wake up for pain medication. My pain is getting better controlled, so I’m thankful.

14.  My girls are so sweet. For my birthday next month, they’re paying for a legal name change for me. Pia is the first name I’ve had since I was 11, so for forty years. Most of my documents have Pia on them, like my passport, etc. But Ontario won’t let me change my driver’s license without an official name change. I hate that every time I use my license for ID I have to explain why that name (which I hate) is there instead of Pia. To find out why I hate it, read my blog post, What’s in a Name? I won’t say what it is because I hate it so much. It never felt like me. Today I sent off the documents.

15.  Listening to a message I missed the Sunday after my surgery. Trying to figure out why I have throbbing pains in my legs today. I ate no sugar or potatoes. Could be the rain. It’s supposed to rain all week.

16. Lazy day. I took a shower and that was too much today. I’m on the couch for the rest of the day.

17.  St. Patrick’s day. To celebrate, I’m drinking green tea.

18.  Visiting my grandson. Going by train and my husband’s coming after work, so I won’t have to drive home. Our grandson just got his passport picture done for their upcoming trip to Finland in the summer. It’s adorable.

19.  Women’s ministry at church today. The speaker was from a local crisis pregnancy centre.

20.  Palm Sunday. Then I stopped at a walk-in clinic to get antibiotics for an infection at one of my surgical sites.

21.  Terrorism in Brussels. It makes me nervous for my daughter who is going to Europe this summer. I know no place is safe in one sense, and that God is able to protect her better than we can, but as a parent, I worry.

22.  Budget day. Billions of dollars in deficit spending. Our grandchildren will never pay this off. So irresponsible for a government not to live within its means. Also we had our Annual general meeting and I was chosen to lead the Women’s ministry for two years. I will have a team of four plus a group to plan the retreat. Also, since I have lessons from my previous church, I think I can manage.

23. Follow-up appointment with my gastro-enterologist.

24. Thankfully, my surgeon called me and we had the follow-up appointment on the phone instead, because the roads are icy. So pathology was negative, good news. I asked her about my other pain, and it’s likely adhesions and scar tissue from my hysterectomy two years ago. At least I know not to worry about it, even though it causes me pain almost constantly. All they can recommend is to go on a drug I was on for almost three years, but I weaned off because of the side effects. Nope. Not gonna happen. So I guess I can add it to my other daily pain. Living with chronic pain is so discouraging.

25. Good Friday service. Also, our daughter is home for the weekend from Law School.

26. Dinner with the fam at my mother-in-law’s house. So nice not to have to cook. Also got to see my favourite grandson.

27. Dinner with the rest of the fam at my sister’s house.

28.  We watched Brooklyn. Makes you wish you were Oirish.

29. Good week for International Law; the court our daughter will be interning at this summer at the Hague, the ICTY (International Criminal  Court for the Former Yugoslavia) convicted and sentenced one of the main leaders in the genocide and war crimes.

30.  Summarized Exodus for the ladies at church. It went well.

31. Several medical appointments this week. Sigh.

 

Grandson a year old

February Journaling

1.  Our grandson is a year old today. They took him to Ripley’s Aquarium. I’ll post a picture.

2. Our daughter returned to work today part-time. Our grandson is adjusting well to home daycare.

3.  Very strange. Just as I was waking up, I remembered part of my dream. An angel was standing next to my bed. I somehow had the impression one was on the other side as well. He had a trumpet at his lips and was about to sound it when I awoke. Hmmm. Curious. Was I about to be called up higher? Last month I awoke to a feeling of a spirit hovering over me as I awoke in the night. For some reason it didn’t strike terror into me. I’ve never had visions or dreams like this. Is it related to my word of the year: Heaven? Time will tell.

4. Went to see my grandson today. We went out to the library so he could play.

5. So much abdominal and back pain and headache.

6.   Sleep is my only reprieve from my pain. When I wake up, it’s there. I wake up every time I turn over, since they are all three point turns. I took another three hour nap today.

7.  It’s sad when you look forward to a surgical consult. I just want relief.

8.  Showered and shaved my legs, and cleaned the bathroom.  I’m spent, but I still need to go out to run a few errands. I see the surgeon Thursday. I need to turn off my stoic Finn and let her know the pain I’m in daily. I really hope she does something soon, at least a CT scan so I can get some answers.

9.  I set my table on Tuesday for guests on Saturday. That’s my new normal.

10. Saw the surgeon. I will have my gallbladder removed in three weeks. Unfortunately she wouldn’t address the other issue, so now I need to go back to my family doctor and get another consult. So frustrating.

11. Shopping today. That’s all I can do.

12. Making the soup, salad stuff, and dessert in preparation for tomorrow.

13.Our dinner party went well, but after they left I was on the couch in pain.

14.Our grandson is coming over tonight.

15.Family day. My mom, sister, daughter’s family, other daughter and her friend had a lovely dinner of the trout my husband caught last fall.

16. I have such severe abdominal pain. I’m considering going to emerg. I need a CT. Very concerned about this heaviness.

17. Going to spend the day at my daughter’s so she can pack. They’re moving in a few weeks to a larger apartment.

18. I stayed over at my daughter’s because my night vision is worse with Fibro. Safety first.

19. Too many errands today. Then the men of our church hosted an event for Valentine’s Day for the women of the church. They sang Stand by Me and other songs, recited poetry, served us apps and cake, and used lame pick-up lines.

20. Lunch after church today. Excited to see the doctor tomorrow. Hopefully she’ll investigate this abdominal pain.

21. Discouraging. My pain was ignored again. I tried to stress that this was different from my fibro pain and my gallstone pain. I’m not looking for drugs, just answers. But instead, she’s passing me off to another specialist, whenever that will happen.

22. Saw my Naturopath today. She’s so helpful.

23.To the hospital for the pre-admit clinic. I’m bringing a mask to wear to see if it helps prevent a reaction. It’s kind of embarrassing to call attention to myself. People will think I have a cold and am wearing it to protect them, but I’m doing it to protect myself from the chemicals.

24. A useless day. Pain and exhaustion.

25. We went to see War Room at church tonight. I can handle it there, but I can’t go to movie theatres. But I had gallstone pain almost the whole time. It’s happening every day now.

26.  So excited. When I first called a Gastroenterologist’s office with my referral, they said they were taking appointments for September. When I told them about my pain, they fit me in for next Tuesday, along with a scope. So I have the prep Monday, that on Tuesday, visiting my grandson on Wednesday, and my surgery on Friday.

27.  My big accomplishment was cleaning the bathrooms, and then I took a two hour nap.

28.  Nap, flanked by church.

29.  Fasting for my test. This is when all you can think about is food. But I’m not as hungry as I’d expect. I napped most of the day away so I wouldn’t think about food.  

Happy New Year 2016!

 

January Journaling

1. Not quite a rousing start to the New Year. My husband was sick and slept till 2 p.m., my daughter undecorated the Christmas decorations for me, and I finished cleaning out a closet before I had a two hour nap. Yeah, always a party happening here!

2. I only read twenty five books last year. I fondly recall my year of seventy five books. Brain fog has made all the difference. Went for dinner at our brother-in-law’s house.

3. You know how people choose a word and it sets the course for the year? I don’t usually do that, but for some reason the word, Heaven keeps popping up. Should I be concerned? Does it mean I’ll be going there this year, or I just need to meditate on my future destination more?

4.  My mom came over for a few days and so far she’s cleaned out my spice cupboard and pantry. So nice. I’ll post a picture.

5.  Chiropractor appointment. She uses this laser which helps with some of my pain.

6.  Doctor’s appointment today, to get the results of my ultrasound. No super serious issues, but they need to repeat it because I may have gall stones.

7. They repeated my ultrasound today and apparently I have a few gallstones. I don’t know yet what the plan will be.

8.  Women’s ministry breakfast today.

9. Trying to read through the Bible in addition to the Bible studies I’m doing with the ladies. Busy week of appointments coming up.

10. More injections into my face, scalp and neck for pain control. It lasts ten weeks. They do about thirty injections. This time some of them hurt, but I keep thinking about the long term gain.

11.  Weird. For some reason I thought of my friend’s dad in Sault Ste. Marie. I hadn’t seen him for decades. Then we got a call that he died that day.

12. Naturopath appointment.

13. Three medical appointments today. One of them made me vomit. Yeah, not nice.

14.I went to babysit my grandson today so my daughter could get stuff done. Of course I had help, my mom came over with me. And I needed to nap two hours while there. But so nice to see him. He’s almost one year old.

15. So uncomfortable. Yet I don’t see my doctor for another week.

16. Really? First a parade, then a whole week, and now they’re planning a month. Ridiculous. Even people who died for our country only get one day of recognition.

17.Dental appointment today.

18. I cancelled my appointments for the rest of the week. I can’t.

19. My daughter and grandson came to stay over for two nights. I love having him here, but I need two hour naps each day.

20. Our little grandson loves animal noises, especially bumblebees buzzing.

21.I went to my doctor today. The plan is to get a surgical consult about my gallstones. Sigh.

22. I wonder how long it’ll be before I can get to see the surgeon. My gallstone pain happens almost daily.

23. Really exhausted. I nap all the time and climbing a flight of stairs is hard. I feel like I’m wearing a suit of armour. So discouraging since I had been improving recently.

24. Our grandson had his first birthday party today. He’ll be one in a week. He had sugar for the first time with his carrot cake and he was buzzing. He’s so cute.

25. I’ve accepted the leadership of the Women’s Ministry team at church for two years. I think I can manage it only because there is a team to help and also the retreat is planned by another group of women.

26.  I’m cancelling even my medical appointments. I just can’t.

27. I’ll be seeing the surgeon February 11^th. I hope I don’t get a gallstone attack before then.

28. Pajama day. Don’t show up at my door. You’ve been warned.

29. I have lots to do but I’m pinned to the couch in pain.

30.  I need to vent. I didn't realize how well my pain was controlled till it came back. Yep, I hate it just as much as before.

31.  Feeling disappointed and a little angry. CPP disability denied my claim. They seem to think my pain is completely gone and I can work. Yeah, right.

Christmas

December Journaling

1.  Sunday. Nice to be in church.

2.  Our eldest had an interview for a Social Work job. Her mat leave ends in February. Sad, another mass shooting, this time in California.

3. Treatment, and also trying to finish up my summary of the book of Genesis for Tuesday.

4. Packing to go to London tomorrow for our Finnish side of the family’s Christmas. I hope I can handle the crowds, noise, lights. Happy to be seeing our grandson.

5.Pikku-Joulu, which means Little Christmas.

6. Home from London.

7.  Appointments.

8. Rest day. I need to recover.

9. Appointment.

10.  Appointments. So tired.

11. Took the train to babysit my grandson this evening while my daughter and son in law went to a Christmas party. He’s so adorable. I’ll post a picture of Disco Benny. Pointing is his new thing. He’s also pulling himself to stand, cruising on furniture and able to stand independently for short periods. He also said, “All done” today. We all looked around and said, “Did you hear that, too?”

12.  Returned from visiting my grandson. Exhausted. Our daughter is home from Law school, although she still has one take home exam the day before Christmas Eve.

13. We got our real Christmas tree today, my husband and daughter picked it out. We’ll decorate in a day or so. We had our church Christmas program this evening. Short and sweet.

14. I read an article from the Toronto Star on sex trafficking. Beyond sad, and so prevalent in Ontario.

15. My mom is coming over to bake more cookies. I just watch.

16. I had to go downtown for an appointment with my tenth specialist this year. He was a fibromyalgia specialist and after he assessed me, he suggested I keep doing what I’m doing.

17.  Appointments. I’m going to take a break from them for two weeks.

18. A day off. Decorating our tree and baking cookies.

19. So much violence in Toronto this past month.

20. Church. A three hour nap. So tired.

21. My mom came by to bake cookies and make lasagna for a Maternity home. I watched. She also cleaned my fridge and a few other things. So helpful. I feel so useless. Also I went for an ultrasound.

22. Grocery shopping, so that means a rotisserie chicken from there for dinner. I can’t do both.

23. Our daughter wrote her final exam today, from home. Eight hours. Now she can relax.

24.  Christmas Eve or Joulu in Finnish. We will be celebrating at my sister’s house. My daughter is going to miss it because she has to help out our other daughter because she’s replacing someone who was scheduled to sing at church because the woman’s father in law died.

25. Today is Christmas Day and we’re going to my brother-in-law’s home. We do a gift exchange. Our grandson will be staying over tonight.

26. A day off.

27. Church.

28. Very concerned about abdominal and back pain. Even with fibro, which is random pain everywhere, this is in a few specific spots constantly. And my abdomen is bloated and keeps growing. I’m also nauseous. Trying not to get into my worst-case-scenario mode, but something is definitely wrong. My doctor should get the ultrasound report soon.

29. I purged and shredded 30 years’ worth of household bills.

30. So uncomfortable. What’s wrong with me, other than the usual?

31.New Years’ Eve at home with my husband. Relaxed is our new normal.