Monday, July 1, 2013

June 2013 Journalling


1. I'm excited about this month. I am back to work, feeling better, I will attend my first Writer's Conference, and we'll celebrate my husband's 50th birthday.

2. Good day at church today. A thought provoking adult class at church, discussing controversial Bible verses about the role of women, particularly the verse about “she shall be saved in childbearing”. Also two great messages by a guest speaker, whom we had over for burgers and corn on the cob.

3. When did you last sing out loud?
Yesterday in church.

4. What was the last gathering you attended?
The largest was church last Sunday, the smallest was a rehearsal for the play we’re doing for DVBS this summer, last Friday. I am the voice of the dog, Tracker, and the pre-recorded sections of the Chief.

5. Did anything make you sad today?
A sad case at work today; a man my age, just diagnosed this week, who has a few weeks to live. I don’t know if he realizes how sick he is.

6. This evening we filmed my scenes as The Chief, for our DVBS. It’s a secret agent theme. The Chief will show up on the monitor. I had wardrobe changes and my hair was done into a severe bun on the top of my head. I’m supposed to be an uptight, bossy, rule-enforcer. (That’s a stretch!)

7. List 5 things you wish you invented.
The can opener, the personal computer, the automobile, the submarine, the airplane. Of course, I couldn’t even design the can opener. So much for wishes.

8. What’s the last recipe you prepared?
Banana cake last Saturday.

9. Share a secret thought.
I’m afraid I can’t because there is more than one of you, and the definition of a secret, as any kid knows, is that a secret is something is told to just one person at a time. J

10. What made you lose track of time today?
Writing like crazy to prepare for a Writer’s Conference this week. I’m almost ready. Just need to print several copies of my work, pack my business cards, etc. I’ll pack my clothes on Wednesday.

11. What are you confident about?
My salvation; not because of me, but because of Christ. A good illustration of assurance is that of a child crossing the street with his father. It’s not the child’s grip on the parent that ensures his safety; it’s the father’s grip on the child.

12. Heading to the Write!Canada conference. I’m excited and nervous, too. It’s not like me to go to a new place where I know no one. I met a writer thru the ACFW group on line, who will be there and she said she’d be my friend. Isn’t that nice? Please pray for me, as I have those three appointments.

13. What is the last purchase you made?
I bought some books at the Writer’s Conference, of course.

14. What is your favorite dish to prepare?
Atlantic salmon.

15. How many push-ups can you do?
To answer that I’d have to try, but let’s just assume I already know the answer is none, unless you count girly push-ups, then I can do about 20.

16. What are you looking forward to?
Celebrating my husband’s 50th birthday. He had cancer at age 35 so we’re happy to see each year. We’re having a come-and-go party on the 22nd. Today is Father’s Day. Roast beef dinner after church, and he went out for frozen yogourt with our daughter.

17. We had a Seniors’ luncheon today. I made four soups. Then we took my husband out to the Keg for a steak and lobster dinner.

18. LOOOOOVED the Write! Canada conference. I’m so glad I went. I talked with two agents about my book idea and they both gave me their contact information and asked me for a proposal when my manuscript is complete! I am so excited! I’m not under any delusions that means anything. All I was hoping was that if I ran my book idea past them, and they didn’t like it, they could give me some advice on how to improve it, but I was pleased that they both liked it as is. Also the classes were so helpful and inspiring, and I met so many nice people. I came home exhausted, though.

19. I’m going to Grimsby this evening to speak at their Ladies’meeting. I’m doing a Bible study of Eve and am also sharing my testimony. My husband is kind and will be driving me, as I’m not a fan of driving far, especially at night. He’s the best.

20. I bought some potted flowers for outside the house. It’s as green as my thumb gets.

21. What project are you working on? Testimonies of Faith, a book of testimonies of the members of our church for its 50th anniversary next year. I’m pulling it together and seeing about getting it published thru a Christian self-publishing company in Belleville.

22. Tonight is a come-and-go open house to celebrate my husband’s 50thbirthday and 15 years cancer free. We invited about 30 people. Hopefully they won’t all arrive at the same time. When I get stressed over the prep, I just have to remind myself that life is about moments like this, and we are celebrating a good thing.

23. Last night the party was good, except later in the evening our dog bit the seven year old daughter of one of our guests. He got the top of her head in two places, near her ear, and on her finger. She’s okay, and we’re not worried about long term damage, thankfully. I know it could’ve been much worse. I don't know how to write this, as it breaks my heart, but in light of what happened with Kody and the little girl, and his previous history of aggression, and biting two little dogs and injuring them, we can't risk an even worse incident. We have to give Kody away or take him to a shelter. I wanted there to be another option, but think what would have happened if he had ripped her face and she would have been scarred for life, or even killed! Even my eldest is worried about their future kids, and we've considered that, too. There is no way he could be around our grandchildren. We can't just keep apologizing when an incident happens when he's had a history. We'd be responsible because we did nothing about it. We've tried training and looked into behavioural therapy, but he has serious issues and as much as we love him and he's part of our family, we can't handle him. We are not solitary people out in the country. We socialize and children and strangers (to him). As much as I can’t imagine life without him after more than two years, we have decided we need to bring him to a shelter. He is a beautiful dog and I’d hope someone else could take him, but his temperament won’t change, and he is dangerous, so I know he’ll probably be put down, and that breaks my heart. We decided to bring him to the Humane Society on Friday, since I wouldn’t be able to work and function this week, but after Thursday, I’m off for five days, so I can grieve. I can’t imagine how I’ll cope on that day. I know I seem detached from it, but believe me, the screen is blurry for a reason. I love Kody and I will miss him so much. We’ve told the girls and my youngest, who lives here, is taking it the hardest, as we expected. She understands the reasoning for it, but feels we’re giving up on him.

24. I cried myself to sleep last night and now I’m awake. My puppy was my first thought and he made me cry again. I know we’re beginning to grieve our loss and it’ll go on for a long time but, man, it hurts! Notice I still call him puppy, even though he’s 2-1/2? I have a dental appointment this morning. I really don’t feel like getting lectured about flossing when Kody is on my mind. Also, these three night shifts I’m back to regular unmodified hours.

25. So we looked into taking Kody to a shelter, but they are full and they said the likelihood is that he wouldn’t get adopted since he has this history of aggression. Then I thought I would rather just have him put down so we could be with him till the end and he’d know we love him, than to send him to a shelter where he’d feel abandoned and lonely, and then he’d be put down a month or so later. Then, on my way to work today, my husband called to say Kody needed to be put down right away, according to the vet, maybe even tonight. That was hard for me, even though I knew it was necessary, because I hadn’t said goodbye. I cried through most of my shift, but then booked tomorrow off so I could be there with him at the end.

26. The vet called this morning. Apparently, the hospital where they took the little girl is supposed to give the health dept. a report, and then they come to our house to see the dog. Usually there is a ten day wait from the time of the attack, but since he has a history, it was a child, and he bit her head, they can waive the time delay and give the order to the vet. All day we’ve been waiting, hoping to hurry it along and delay it at the same time. We feel anticipatory, delayed grieving, yet we want to enjoy whatever time we have with him while he’s here. There’s grief coming either way. The health dept. just called and said they can’t waive the ten day confinement for the sake of the person who was bit, just to confirm there is no rabies, although his shots are up to date. So July 2nd will be the day he is put down. It helps to know when it will happen, even as you see the days count down, because we can spoil him and enjoy whatever time we have left with him.

27. The Health Dept. inspector came by today, just to reiterate what he said over the phone and give me the written order. We have no plans to not comply, but this way they could enforce it if we refused. We are focusing on Kody week and will deal with grieving once he’s no longer with us. My daughter is resigned to it now and is avoiding guilt and blame. She will come with my husband and me on the morning it will happen. We want to be with him to the end.

28. DVBS practice tonight. Also, my aunt arrived from Finland and is staying till September.

29. Attending a wedding of one of our deacons, today. It’s an outdoor wedding at the University of Toronto. I hope it doesn’t rain.

30.Tomorrow is Kody’s last full day. We are taking him out for a hike and swim and driving through Dairy Queen for ice cream. Last night my eldest daughter and her husband came by to see Kody one last time. Also, Kody’s first owner also is coming over tonight.