Wednesday, September 30, 2015


September Journaling

1. A beautiful week in store. We went to the beach, first time on a September day. It was 30 degrees. Lovely. However, we forgot our bbq and beach chairs. Doh! So we had to purchase lunch from the camp store. It was pretty good. I fell asleep on the beach for a few minutes.

2. I’m reading a book about a time in the near future when Bibles would be outlawed as hate literature. Sad to say, I can see it happening when “human rights” are trumping religious freedom and freedom of conscience.

3.  I’m sending my appeal for my work LTD. Praying I will find favour in her eyes. Our finances are at the breaking point. This is one of those situations where we can only sit back and watch how God will work it out, because the thing is impossible to anyone but God.

4. Our daughter is packing up for her return to law school. With my mom moved out and my husband back to work next week, I’m going to feel lonely.

5. We moved our daughter back to Kingston. Well, she and my husband moved her, I just went along for the ride. I helped unpack groceries and then I had to lie down on her bed or sit with my feet up. I thought her roommates must have thought I was lazy, lounging while they worked, but it was too much. Then we took her for dinner and drove back home.

6.  Church today, then my son-in-law’s family came for dinner. Again, overdid it, but I did it for my family’s sake.

7.  Prepping for the support group tomorrow night. We’ll probably only go till December. It’s too much for me, as I’m bearing most of the load for prep.

8. ENT appointment this morning and then Cope with Hope tonight. I’m presenting on ME/CFS and we’re discussing theories of activity/rest/sleep/energy conservation. I am doing a short devotional I wrote a while back. I didn’t have the energy to prepare a Bible study, as well. Pushing myself for the sake of those that are counting on me, but I wish I could call in sick. That would be ironic, to be too sick to encourage others to Cope with Hope.

9. Two medical appointments today, and more forms, this time for CPP disability application. How I long for a day when I can just stay at home and not wear myself out going to appointments! So exhausted.

10. A new development is that lately I’ve been dreaming. That means I’m getting more REM sleep. I can tell because I’m waking up more refreshed. Also, no nightmares and pleasant dreams instead. I’m going to hold off on getting a CPAP machine. My sleep apnea is only mild and I’ve been feeling like I’m not waking up gasping so much anymore. So thankful for these small improvements which aren’t so small after all.

11. I got a call from the insurance claims person. She asked, “What do you do all day?” I hardly knew how to answer. Nothing productive. It takes me three hours to get ready. I may do one appointment or chore and then I’m on the couch in pain, or exhausted for ‘overdoing it.’ It would be funny if it wasn’t true. How different from my healthy days.

12. Filling out more applications, this time for CPP disability.

13. Praise God! My long term disability appeal has been approved! Now I can focus on my health instead of worrying about bills.

14.  Pain clinic this morning. After a 27 page application to be seen, they told me there's nothing they can do for me. Sigh. Then comparison shopping insurance companies. My mom is gifting me her car.

15.An appointment this morning with one of my insurance companies to discuss return to work. Oh-kaaay. I had to lay down on the couch through the whole meeting. Welcome to my life. Yeah, this is what I do all day.

16. I sent my manuscript off to an editor in California. It’s the only way I can move it forward since it’s hard for me to work on revisions in my current state of mind. Right now I feel good about it, but I'm sure when I get it back I'll be convinced I can't write. At. All.

17.My mom gave her car to us. She will use my sister’s car now. It’s such a blessing, because I have so many appointments. We were doing the paperwork today.

18.Today is my husband’s last day as Acting Manager after nine months. Now back to the day-to-day stresses of being a Supervisor.

19.This is the beginning of National Organic Week. It’s more expensive, but I’m trying to buy more organic produce so I consume fewer pesticides.

20. Church today. To kick off Missions week we had a speaker who does prison ministry and lives and works at Jane and Finch with former inmates and gang members. Well worth listening to, if you go to the Ajax Alliance site.

21.Our daughter is very busy with her course load at Law School and many extra-curriculars, like committees and practical work at a Family Law clinic. She’s busy but not overwhelmed. I’m pleased with how she’s managing her stress.

22.I missed the women’s Bible study this week as I had an appointment with a Naturopathic doctor who specializes in Environmental sensitivities/toxicities. He gave me some hope for improvement, except he recommended a blood test that costs $1000 out of pocket. I see the benefit of the test, but with our financial situation, not likely.

23. My mom and I visited our grandson today. He’s almost ready to crawl. He gets up on all fours and rocks. I’ll post a picture of him sitting in a box.

24. I never expected my life to take a turn like this and be unable to work at age 50. So I’m starting to get used to the idea that we may sell our house in a year. It is too big for the two of us and it would be nice to downsize and not carry a mortgage. However, we have a lot of “stuff” and considering I can’t even clean my house, I can’t imagine going room by room to try to purge and pack. Well, I guess that’s what the year is for. Oh, and our grandson started crawling. I missed it by a day.

25. Our daughter came home for the weekend to represent her university at the Ontario University fair tomorrow. She and my husband went to see the movie, Everest. Not a fan of action movies these days, especially 3-D since I can’t handle the bright lights and noise. Also not a fan of heights.

26. Today was a long day. We had a Women’s breakfast at church, then I had a nap, and then we had an international dinner, so my husband brought jerk chicken that he made, and I brought pulla that my daughter kindly made for me.

27. We had missionaries from Spain speaking at church this morning. I napped almost three hours today.

28. Chiropractor appointment today. So thankful for the little things. I walked in with a limp, and walked out without one.

29. Women’s Bible study this morning, on the story of Noah. I presented a message prepared back when I could think straight. Makes me see how impaired I am. I can’t offer anything off the top of my head. I take too long to process my thoughts. Sad. I wonder if my mind will return to me one day? Also, a very bad day for pain. It’s pouring rain. If you hear rain, know I’m in pain.

30. I’m wondering if my Mononucleosis is surfacing again. It goes dormant and can flare up again. The reason is I have a sore throat and headache along with even less energy than usual, if that’s even possible. I napped again. Although I’m always exhausted, I don’t sleep in the day usually, which is why I’m thinking mono. I should probably go to the doctor, but I’m so tired of doctors.

Friday, September 11, 2015

Outlawed Bibles

Review of The End Begins by Sara Davison


Sara Davison draws the reader into a world set in the not too distant future in Canada. The Bible has been outlawed as hate literature and the Canadian Human Rights Commission, an unelected body, has the power to investigate, arrest and sentence Christians to corporal or capital punishment.

This is the first of The Seven trilogy. The writing, characters and pacing of the story are spot-on. I found myself thinking about the book when I was away from it, and wanting to get back to find out what happened next.

The premise is terrifying and yet plausible, given the slow trend to vilifying Christians. What other group can be named in public and spoken of so scornfully? It reminds me of the early days of World War Two when Jews were named as the cause of all social ills.

I found myself imagining what I would do in such a situation: Run and hide? Stay and fight? Smuggle Bibles?

What do I do now, to prepare for such a time? Memorize Scripture? Purchase and hide more Bibles? Read and study it more?

Appreciate the gift we have in the Word of God in our own language while it’s ours. Many do not have this privilege even now.

I can’t wait to read the other books in the series. Watch for more from this exciting new Thriller author.

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Severe M.E.

August Journaling
1.     Today was the first time in a long time when we had no plans, and I could sit out on the deck and fill out forms for two upcoming appointments. One last week was 27 pages. It gets a bit ridiculous. Tell us all the investigations you’ve had done and all the doctors you’ve seen and all your meds and colour in a picture of your pain. That was the funniest one. I almost ran out of colours.

2.     Church today, then more rest. I love rest.

3.     We’re going to see our grandson today. I’ll post a pic. He’s six months old now, starting to slide along on his belly, sit up alone for a minute, bounce in his jolly jumper and play peek-a-boo. We only get to see him once every two weeks or so, and he’s changing so fast. It’s also the last day of my husband’s vacation.

4.     I went downtown for a dental CT and got a ride back with my husband. Of course, as usual, I got disoriented and walked in the wrong direction again, but managed to squeak in only a few minutes late.

5.     I had an abdominal ultrasound this morning to rule out gallstones. Every day I have some kind of health appointment. In other news, when I got home I received news that my private LTD was approved! Yay, praise God! It’s not much, but it validates the legitimacy of my illnesses and their approval will help with my appeal with my work LTD. God is faithful and even though our credit cards are maxed, we’ve been able to pay all our bills on time and we’ve always had food.

6.     Today I went to see my Naturopath. Planning a liver cleanse because of all my meds, especially Tylenol.

7.     Tonight we have an appointment at the bank for our daughter’s school.

8.     Friends are hosting a bbq today. Also today is Severe M.E. day. Just another one of my illnesses. Previously called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, it is too tame a word for it. ME stands for Myalgic (painful muscles) Encephalomyelitis (inflammation of the brain and spinal cord). Because of that the symptoms are multi-system and all-encompassing. It has some overlap of symptoms with Fibromyalgia and often occurs at the same time. But they're different and the focus of treatment is different. For example, mild exercise is recommended for Fibro, but rest for M.E. (my heart rate isn't supposed to go above 100). Also sauna and warm water exercise for Fibro, but no sauna for ME. It’s a toss-up about which one I hate more, the pain from the fibro or the overwhelming exhaustion from M.E., but I think it's the M.E. That's your public service announcement for the day. Carry on. In other news, while I was at a dinner party I had to go into a dark, quiet room by myself because of sensory overload. It was kind of embarrassing.

9.     We were invited to the home of a family from church. So nice that I haven’t had to cook all weekend. I stayed about an hour or two longer than I should have, but I took a three hour nap afterwards.

10.  Today at the pain clinic they’re trying something new. I hope it works.

11. After living with us for 15 years, my mom is moving out today. L She was moved by off duty firefighters. They were very quick. Although I’m happy for her new chapter, and I understand that it’s good for her to be with my sister, who has an empty nest, while we have each other. But I’m going to miss seeing her every day.

12. It’s nice not to have medical appointments for the rest of the week. I have lots of paperwork to finish up.

13. A rare quiet day at home.

14. Paperwork. So many forms to fill out.

15. Family event at my brother-in-law’s house.

16. Chiropractor and massage today.

17. Pain clinic today. No need for top up. Good pain relief for the pain from the neck up. I’ll take it.

18. Preparing for the Carey conference. I’ve been packing for two weeks because the simplest things take so long. I’m looking forward to relaxing and seeing friends and hearing good preaching, but I know the week will be hard on me. While there will be less electronics there, it’s an old trailer and there may be a lot of dust. I hope it will be a restful week.

19. My daughter helped me purge my clothes closet. She was brutal, making me choose between two things I really wanted to keep. It felt good to clear out four bags of clothes for Value Village and another to garbage, but I paid the price. I was on the couch for the rest of the day.

20.  Bad days and less bad days. If I dare to try to get some things done around the house, like vacuuming or cleaning the bathroom, I’m spent. I can hardly remember the days when I had energy to spare.

21. Final day of packing and baking. My mom will stay with our daughter.

22. Travelling to Paris (Ontario) for a week of relaxation. Unfortunately, the packing, unpacking and shopping was too much, and the evening service put me over the top. My back was protesting the whole time. Friends wanted to come over to visit, but I had to decline.

23.  A beautiful day resting and reading on the deck of the trailer. Great preaching as usual. Also saw some friends we haven’t seen in a few years.

24. Good message this morning, but I was unable to make it to the evening session. By whole spine was throbbing.

25. A better day, and we had friends over for a campfire, but then because that was overdoing it for me, I couldn’t sleep.

26. Today is our youngest daughter’s 23rd birthday. Soon she’ll be off to her second year of law school. Our other daughter sent us a video of our grandson attempting to crawl. It’s more like a worm, head down, bum up, head down, bum up, but it’s cute. I couldn’t make it out this evening again, for the usual reasons.

27. Last full day at the Carey conference. Pushed myself to have a campfire and visit with friends.

28. Home again. Exhuasted. Must unpack. Our daughter came by with our grandson, so I’d rather be amused by him.

29. Today is our church picnic. We originally said we’d go, but we’re too worn out from the past week.

30. Lovely day at church today. Nice to be back “home”. Our Pastor is a very good preacher. Today he spoke on being a living sacrifice.

31.  Pain clinic and chiro appointment. That’s all I could manage.