Wednesday, September 30, 2015


September Journaling

1. A beautiful week in store. We went to the beach, first time on a September day. It was 30 degrees. Lovely. However, we forgot our bbq and beach chairs. Doh! So we had to purchase lunch from the camp store. It was pretty good. I fell asleep on the beach for a few minutes.

2. I’m reading a book about a time in the near future when Bibles would be outlawed as hate literature. Sad to say, I can see it happening when “human rights” are trumping religious freedom and freedom of conscience.

3.  I’m sending my appeal for my work LTD. Praying I will find favour in her eyes. Our finances are at the breaking point. This is one of those situations where we can only sit back and watch how God will work it out, because the thing is impossible to anyone but God.

4. Our daughter is packing up for her return to law school. With my mom moved out and my husband back to work next week, I’m going to feel lonely.

5. We moved our daughter back to Kingston. Well, she and my husband moved her, I just went along for the ride. I helped unpack groceries and then I had to lie down on her bed or sit with my feet up. I thought her roommates must have thought I was lazy, lounging while they worked, but it was too much. Then we took her for dinner and drove back home.

6.  Church today, then my son-in-law’s family came for dinner. Again, overdid it, but I did it for my family’s sake.

7.  Prepping for the support group tomorrow night. We’ll probably only go till December. It’s too much for me, as I’m bearing most of the load for prep.

8. ENT appointment this morning and then Cope with Hope tonight. I’m presenting on ME/CFS and we’re discussing theories of activity/rest/sleep/energy conservation. I am doing a short devotional I wrote a while back. I didn’t have the energy to prepare a Bible study, as well. Pushing myself for the sake of those that are counting on me, but I wish I could call in sick. That would be ironic, to be too sick to encourage others to Cope with Hope.

9. Two medical appointments today, and more forms, this time for CPP disability application. How I long for a day when I can just stay at home and not wear myself out going to appointments! So exhausted.

10. A new development is that lately I’ve been dreaming. That means I’m getting more REM sleep. I can tell because I’m waking up more refreshed. Also, no nightmares and pleasant dreams instead. I’m going to hold off on getting a CPAP machine. My sleep apnea is only mild and I’ve been feeling like I’m not waking up gasping so much anymore. So thankful for these small improvements which aren’t so small after all.

11. I got a call from the insurance claims person. She asked, “What do you do all day?” I hardly knew how to answer. Nothing productive. It takes me three hours to get ready. I may do one appointment or chore and then I’m on the couch in pain, or exhausted for ‘overdoing it.’ It would be funny if it wasn’t true. How different from my healthy days.

12. Filling out more applications, this time for CPP disability.

13. Praise God! My long term disability appeal has been approved! Now I can focus on my health instead of worrying about bills.

14.  Pain clinic this morning. After a 27 page application to be seen, they told me there's nothing they can do for me. Sigh. Then comparison shopping insurance companies. My mom is gifting me her car.

15.An appointment this morning with one of my insurance companies to discuss return to work. Oh-kaaay. I had to lay down on the couch through the whole meeting. Welcome to my life. Yeah, this is what I do all day.

16. I sent my manuscript off to an editor in California. It’s the only way I can move it forward since it’s hard for me to work on revisions in my current state of mind. Right now I feel good about it, but I'm sure when I get it back I'll be convinced I can't write. At. All.

17.My mom gave her car to us. She will use my sister’s car now. It’s such a blessing, because I have so many appointments. We were doing the paperwork today.

18.Today is my husband’s last day as Acting Manager after nine months. Now back to the day-to-day stresses of being a Supervisor.

19.This is the beginning of National Organic Week. It’s more expensive, but I’m trying to buy more organic produce so I consume fewer pesticides.

20. Church today. To kick off Missions week we had a speaker who does prison ministry and lives and works at Jane and Finch with former inmates and gang members. Well worth listening to, if you go to the Ajax Alliance site.

21.Our daughter is very busy with her course load at Law School and many extra-curriculars, like committees and practical work at a Family Law clinic. She’s busy but not overwhelmed. I’m pleased with how she’s managing her stress.

22.I missed the women’s Bible study this week as I had an appointment with a Naturopathic doctor who specializes in Environmental sensitivities/toxicities. He gave me some hope for improvement, except he recommended a blood test that costs $1000 out of pocket. I see the benefit of the test, but with our financial situation, not likely.

23. My mom and I visited our grandson today. He’s almost ready to crawl. He gets up on all fours and rocks. I’ll post a picture of him sitting in a box.

24. I never expected my life to take a turn like this and be unable to work at age 50. So I’m starting to get used to the idea that we may sell our house in a year. It is too big for the two of us and it would be nice to downsize and not carry a mortgage. However, we have a lot of “stuff” and considering I can’t even clean my house, I can’t imagine going room by room to try to purge and pack. Well, I guess that’s what the year is for. Oh, and our grandson started crawling. I missed it by a day.

25. Our daughter came home for the weekend to represent her university at the Ontario University fair tomorrow. She and my husband went to see the movie, Everest. Not a fan of action movies these days, especially 3-D since I can’t handle the bright lights and noise. Also not a fan of heights.

26. Today was a long day. We had a Women’s breakfast at church, then I had a nap, and then we had an international dinner, so my husband brought jerk chicken that he made, and I brought pulla that my daughter kindly made for me.

27. We had missionaries from Spain speaking at church this morning. I napped almost three hours today.

28. Chiropractor appointment today. So thankful for the little things. I walked in with a limp, and walked out without one.

29. Women’s Bible study this morning, on the story of Noah. I presented a message prepared back when I could think straight. Makes me see how impaired I am. I can’t offer anything off the top of my head. I take too long to process my thoughts. Sad. I wonder if my mind will return to me one day? Also, a very bad day for pain. It’s pouring rain. If you hear rain, know I’m in pain.

30. I’m wondering if my Mononucleosis is surfacing again. It goes dormant and can flare up again. The reason is I have a sore throat and headache along with even less energy than usual, if that’s even possible. I napped again. Although I’m always exhausted, I don’t sleep in the day usually, which is why I’m thinking mono. I should probably go to the doctor, but I’m so tired of doctors.

1 comment:

Tyron Tanaka said...

I love that picture. My mom has a picture of me like that when I was little. I think the box I am in is actually side ways and I had crawled in there and was just sitting inside. I should get one of my daughter like that before she gets too big. She is growing so quickly it's crazy.

Tyron Tanaka @ Low And Canata