Grandson's Dedication

May 2015 Journaling

1.    I am having so much pain. My daughter and grandson came to stay overnight. I wish I had the energy to look after him. I don’t trust myself to go up or down stairs with him, because I’m so unsteady.

2.    Pain again. No energy. We went out for dinner at Port, about the nicest restaurant in Durham. It’s on the lake at a marina in Frenchman’s Bay. The occasion was our last hurrah before our income drops; my birthday, mother’s day for me and my mom, and bon voyage for our daughter who is going to England on Tuesday. Rested all day before it, and afterwards. Don’t let the smiling face fool you, I’m in pain.

3.   Went to church, then to Burlington for our grandson’s dedication service. Even got back in time for our evening service. I really wanted to catch it, as this series in 1 Samuel is related to my book, but to say I was wiped out is an understatement. I’ll post a pic of our family.

4.   Last day before our daughter leaves for England. I’m so excited for her to have this opportunity to study international law at a castle.

5.   Our daughter arrived safely in England. Praise God! I’m a nervous flyer at the best of times, but am even more nervous with all the airline incidents that have happened. Also, last night my husband came in for a walk and his ring finger was swelling up rapidly and turning blue. It seems a mosquito bit him when he was walking in the ravine area near our house. He reacts that way to bug bites. We went to the mall last night in the hour before it closed, trying to find a jeweller who could cut the ring off, but either they didn’t have the tool, or the jeweller who knew how to operate it had left already. The swelling subsided a bit and today he went to a local jeweller who ended up being a believer. He said, “you came in here for a reason.” And when he cut the ring off, he was able to not wreck the inscription. The jeweller said, “that was the Lord.” J

6.    Still waiting on my LTD approval. I don’t know what they’re waiting for from the doctors, because they were already given all the most recent documents. So frustrating. I am already going down in income by 50% and this little bit would make it only 35% but still a hardship. This is when we see if we are trusting God to provide.

7.   Another glitch. I received my final pay two weeks ago and was told I’d automatically be mailed my Record of Employment so I could at least collect EI. Now when I call about it they say I’m still listed as active so it hasn’t even been mailed to me. That means I have zero income. I am feeling the holes in my social safety net.

8.   The trips to the chiropractor have been helpful. When I walk, I am more upright, and my limp is hardly noticeable. I still have trouble on stairs, as my balance is precarious.

9.    Famous people who have Fibromyalgia: Morgan Freeman, Paula Abdul, Florence Nightingale. It's an invisible illness, not an imaginary one.

10.  We went to babysit Benny overnight on Friday because my son-in-law was in a wedding. Today for mother’s day we went to my mother-in-law’s house because she is going to be 70 this week. She looks amazing for her age.

11. Feeling stress over finances. I guess it can’t be a true test of our trust in God unless we see our utter dependence on Him. I’ve still waiting on my LTD and my EI is delayed as well, so we are basically at 0 income for me this month. Yeah, zero.

12.  Today is Fibromyalgia Awareness Day. Yay, me! (sarcasm)

13.  Barely managed running around yesterday, from EI office, to doctor’s office, back to EI office, then home to eat, then to our third Cope with Hope meeting. In spite of my exhaustion (and I missed the Tuesday morning Bible study), I’m glad we went. A friend presented on Lyme Disease, and we talked about the other stages of Understanding Chronic Illness, and then I taught a devotional based on one I wrote a few years back, as I wasn’t up to writing anything new. They’re a great bunch of women. I do this as much for myself as for them. Today I went for a massage and a chiropractic appointment. Can’t manage much else for the day.

14.  Also, my doctor started me on BP medication as my BP has been elevated for about half a year. We kept watching it and hoping it would go down on its own, but no. Sigh, one more thing.

15.  My mom is in London visiting her brother and sister-in-law, so I have no car.

16.  Lovely day. Finally spring like temperatures.

17.  There’s no evening service tonight because of the long weekend.

18.   It’s Victoria Day here in Canada. We drove out to visit our grandson. My daughter made a delicious mango salsa and then a teriyaki chicken stir fry. This afternoon we took a walk in the ravine. A baby racoon was in a neighbour’s yard. Its mother must have died. The city won’t come and take it away unless it’s sick or dying.

19.  Bible study this morning, then trying to deal with different groups to make some sense of what’s going to happen next with my LTD. I hate talking on the phone, and I’m so tired. Just tired…

20.   Chiropractor today, she’s been so helpful for many of my symptoms. I almost have hope that I could have some semblance of a pain-free existence.

21.  Trying to drink some lemon water; hot water with lemon juice and a drop of lemon essential oil. It’s supposed to help with inflammation.

22.  Off to a ladies’ retreat for the weekend. I’ll have to have my feet up most of the time, and nap frequently, and I’ve put in for special foods, but in spite of it all, I think I need this, spiritually.

23. The weather is beautiful this weekend, and this camp, Elim Lodge is surrounded on three sides by Pigeon Lake. The topic is the Christ-like 21^st century woman.

24. This was a great weekend. I was able to rest on Saturday. Friday was the hardest day for me. I enjoyed this time sharing a room with my mom. On Friday she told some of the women she wasn’t a believer. She feels such guilt about her life. I pray she can move from conviction to forgiveness. Christianity isn’t about guilt; it’s about forgiveness.

25.  Exhausted, but I pushed myself to go to the one hour Walk and Talk with the women at church because we had a debrief meeting about the retreat. They’re an organized bunch and always want to improve these things.

26. I went to Bible study, we’re almost done the book of John. Then I went for bloodwork since it’s been two weeks since I started on blood pressure medicine. The few times I’ve checked it, it’s been very good. I guess I needed the medicine. Then my husband and I walked for an hour in the neighbourhood.

27.  Pushed myself to do laundry and vacuum two rooms. Worn out. Resting on the couch reading. I’ll be happy if dinner gets made.

28.   Lovely weather. Winter was too long. No complaints about heat, except that I can’t tolerate it as well as I used to. Tonight we have tickets to the WINGS gala. It’s a masquerade. I’m wearing the long gown I wore to my daughter’s wedding, and a mask from the party store. I need to rest all day to be able to last through the evening.

29.  The Gala was lovely last night. So excited to be a part of that great pro-life ministry.

30. To add to our financial tension, our CRV needed the air conditioner fixed, and the next day, the brakes. Nothing that can be put off, and of course, it had to go on our credit card. Not the best choice, but hey, still no income.

31.  Today I could only lay down on the couch, barely even get up for pain pills. My brain felt like it was shaking. I’m wondering what God’s purpose is for setting me aside. I feel so useless.