October Journalling

1.What did you read today? Betrayal by Robin Lee Hatcher. I can always be sure of a good read when I buy any of her books.

2. Third and final shift this week. I know they are only four hours long, but with my commute, I’m gone from home for eight hours. Those are long days when I still have no energy and my leg is bothering me from overworking it. However, I’m happy to be back at work even in that capacity (doing paperwork). I feel like it helps them out somewhat and I can train my brain to concentrate for four hours at one sitting. I got a call from my doctor saying the results of my bloodwork are in, but I won’t hear until the 16^th when I see her again. I fear my iron is still low, in spite of more than a month of treatment. It feels that way, anyway.

3. Lazy day, mostly exhausted from work. All I accomplished was laundry, dinner and a nap. Now I will attempt to write for a few hours. Here goes.

4. Accomplished some writing. I wrote the scene where David and Bathsheba’s baby died. Hard to write through tears.

5. Women of Faith meeting this morning. Twelve women. I spoke on Mephibosheth and also on Jesus as the Bread of Life. In the evening we visited my husband’s brother and his wife.

6. Church today. Our Pastor and his wife are back from their three month sabbatical. We had refreshments after the evening service to welcome them back, but I found the day took a lot out of me. Five hours in the morning and four in the evening.

7. I had three fillings replaced. As Owl City says, “I’ve been to the dentist a thousand times, so I know the drill.” Now off to work. I’m exhausted already.

8. Work was better yesterday. I finished quite a lot of work in my four hours and went home with a sense of accomplishment, even if it’s just paperwork.

9. My mental stamina and concentration is improving, if not my physical stamina.

10. While the new Toronto subways are nice, I can think of three drawbacks. One: if there was a fire, the smoke would quickly fill the one long car because there is no way to compartmentalize it. Two: maybe I watch too much t.v., but if there was a shooter, he could just walk the length of the train and do his worst. Three; if you are being harassed, you can’t just exit the car at the next station and step into the next car to get away from him; since there is just one long car. Just my observations.

11. Went to see Gravity with my usual date. I don’t usually like space movies, but it was more about astronauts than anything sci-fi. It was IMAX 3-D and I found the edges and falling a little distressing. Lots of action, though. They did the usual kill-off-the-person-of-colour-first thing, though.

12. Busy day cleaning, shopping for running shoes for work, and trying to come up with some dessert for tomorrow’s Thanksgiving dinner. Blueberry crumble pie or something new? My daughter is also bringing pumpkin cupcakes with cinnamon cream cheese frosting.

13. Thanksgiving dinner at my husband’s cousin’s home. Always extra thankful when someone else does the cooking. I’ll probably be hosting Christmas dinner this year.

14. Washing windows today, with family’s help. Not a fan of climbing ladders.

15. We're not called on to be thankful FOR all things, but IN every circumstance.

16. I am getting niggling ideas on how this book can turn into a series of at least three books on David’s Mighty Men.

17. Good writing day yesterday. I wrote a scene where my protagonist kills a giant. I’m not an expert on hand to hand combat, but that can get fixed during revisions, I guess. Went to the doctor today to get blood results and plan how much I’ll work in the next few weeks. My iron is still low and I have mono. At least that explains why I had a sore throat and exhaustion three weeks ago, before I started work. I think the mono is gone, but I can’t understand why my ferritin is still so low even after two months of supplements. Also we don’t have a cause for it. Sigh.

18. Eye appt. today. Also my mom is heading to London for a few days to help out my aunt who is having surgery. She is going by train, to leave her car for us. Isn’t that kind of her?

19. I looked up the side effects of iron deficiency anemia; slowly progressing weakness/tiredness, headache, feeling grumpy, and difficulty thinking/concentrating. Explains the daily headache the last two weeks.

21. What is your most prized possession?

              My library. I would cry if I lost it in a fire.

22. Work is okay when I get there, but I’m trying to do too much before work.

23. Jeopardy is my new addiction.

24. Five day weekend, and I don’t even mind that it includes two doctor’s appointments. Running errands today. Sauna tonight.

25. Climbing Sushi Mountain today for dinner. House is clean for our Crit Group meeting tomorrow.

26. Met with Faithful Writers this morning. We may do this on-line. Two of us are almost done our books, so we’re moving to a different stage of revising, proofreading and editing. We may just help each other out. The other four can’t make it because of their schedules and often don’t have writing to critique, but as long as there’s at least one crit partner, we’re good. We’re both writing the same genre of Biblical, historical fiction, but hers is sub-categoried as YA, or Young Adult.

27. Church today. My husband is teaching the adult class this month. This evening we have new missionaries presenting.

28. Gyne appt. today. So we decided a hysterectomy was the best option for me. I don’t have a date yet, but probably in the next month or two.

29. My youngest had a great day. 90% and 93% on two papers she wrote, and she scored in the 88^th percentile on her LSAT exams. That’s the Law School Admissions Test. That means she is in the top 12% of all those who have written it in Canada and U.S. in the past three years. Pretty amazing.

30. I worked two six-hour shifts this week. It takes a lot out of me. Now I have a four day weekend. I need it. I’ve been talking with occ. Health and I’m getting a little concerned that I’ll run out of sick benefits. In order to refresh the bank, I’d have to work full time hours for three weeks. I know I’m not ready for that, but I wonder how we’ll manage if my income is only EI, which would be half of what I bring home now.

31. It’s Reformation Day! On October 31^st, 1517, an obscure German monk posted 95 points for theological discussion, sparking the Protestant Reformation. He turned the world upside down. Martin Luther nailed it!

September 2013 Journalling

1. Great preaching today, as usual, then our daughter and son in law came to spend the night.

2. The guests we were expecting had to cancel due to sick children, but we had a family from our church over for a bbq instead. Also, today a man from our church died. He was in his early 80’s. He was saved late in life, around 65. He used to come and nod off in church, then God saved him. His wife, who is shy, was so thankful to God for saving her husband, she got up and sang Amazing Grace as a solo in front of the church. He was known as a prayer warrior. Godwin is now rejoicing with his Saviour. This is also the two month mark of when we put Kody down. I still miss my puppy. L

3. Back to school for most. Our youngest starts her last year of university next week. I wrote 2,688 words; some thru tears. I had to kill off a character, which is never easy to do.

4. My husband is going to take a seminary course beginning next week. The prof is Kirk Wellum. He feels it will help him in his teaching and preaching at church. He is auditing it, so he won’t have a twenty page paper to write, which is good since he hasn’t written one in 30 years.

5. I’m thinking I probably shouldn’t drive. My right leg doesn’t move too fast and the action of pulling my knee back to go from gas to brake doesn’t feel too good. I didn’t drive for four months this year due to mental impairment from side effects of meds, now due to leg weakness. I will miss the autonomy but it’s safer for the rest of you out on the road. I’m a little discouraged today. Thanks for coming to my pity party. No loot bags, though. Sorry.

6. The last thing I bought myself was six books at the Christian book store yesterday. That always makes me happy. Then I ordered three more on-line when I got home because they weren’t there. I also took my daughter out for breakfast yesterday. We are going to my mother-in-law’s for dinner tonight. She wants to see us before she goes on vacation to Russia. I think it’s a cruise of some sort.

7. Women of Faith meeting this morning. Pouring rain and only a few showed up. I spoke on Jesus as the Resurrection and the Life in the book of John. http://the-scarlet-thread.com/2013/09/11/christ-as-the-resurrection-and-the-life-in-the-book-of-john/#comments

8. Two guest speakers at church today since our Pastor is on sabbatical for another month. Guests staying overnight tonight. They were asking about my book and it got me excited about it. I really think it has potential.

9. Laundry and writing day. I have pain in my pelvis and right thigh when I put my weight fully on my right leg. I may go to a walk-in clinic and ask for an x-ray. I’ve only had weakness but no pain, so that concerns me. In all this time no doctor has ordered one, or even examined my leg itself, even though I tell them I feel heaviness in the groin area. Frustrating. My MRI is on Saturday, so I’ll be late for the funeral. They seem so sure the problem is in my brain but I think it’s more likely a problem in the bone. Just saying.

10. So instead of just worrying, I went into a walk-in clinic and explained the situation. The Doc ordered an x-ray of my right pelvis and femur. I’m to return tomorrow afternoon for the results.

11. The x-ray was normal. So what is this pain in my leg? This is frustrating. I just want a diagnosis so I can know what I’m dealing with.

12. Preparing for our first in-person meeting of our newly formed critique group, which we’ve named Faithful Writers, since all of us have a connection to Faith Baptist Church, and we have faith. I will serve refreshments and we will critique each other’s work, usually a first chapter. Then I will discuss POV, or point of view. I hope it goes well. We writers are a sensitive lot, and it’s hard to send our babies out into the real world.

13. I don’t know why I waited so long to be critiqued or what I was afraid of, (okay, I know), but it went so well, and was so encouraging and helpful. I want to go right back into it and improve that first chapter based on the suggestions. Also, visitation tonight at the funeral home.

14. I did the MRI this morning. It went well. I must have been nervous about it though, because I woke up at 3:30. I got up and wrote a bit, and did some research. Then we had a long day at the funeral of a man from our church. There’s nothing like the funeral of a Christian! It was Jamaican though, so that means a late start and a long day, but delicious food! The hardest part was when they lowered him into the ground. His wife was so strong, she even scooped up a shovel full of dirt and threw it in.

15. Church as usual, and a presentation by our missionaries to Nigeria, as well as refreshments. Can’t wait for the weekdays so I can rest! What a full weekend. I get the MRI result on Friday.

16. I’m exhausted from this weekend. Plus I was quite irritable yesterday. My poor husband. He says, “How come when you have PMS I get a headache?”

17. How can the days go so quickly when I’m not doing anything? I am so tired; I took a nap today. I sleep so poorly and wake up so sore because I can’t sleep in my usual positions. If I’m tired of my complaining I can only imagine how you feel hearing it.

18. I wanted to go to the Toronto Baptist Seminary Library tonight while my husband was at his course, so I could get some answers to research questions for my book, but they aren’t open Wednesday evenings. Plan B, I guess. I found a few good websites that let you ask questions. Maybe they can help.

19. Another surprise. A woman from our church has been found dead. Wow. With our Pastor still on sabbatical, we have to figure out someone else to take the funeral.

20. My neurologist appointment is today. I want a diagnosis, but not the one I’m worried about.

21. Sometimes no news is good news; other times, no news is just no news. While I’m happy the MRI was normal, I continue to have leg weakness and pain. So the plans from the neurologist are bloodwork, another MRI but lower down on the spine, and nerve conduction tests. They are ordered as non-urgent, so it could be months before I get them. In the meantime, I will talk to my doctor on Monday about returning to work, modified, even if it means sitting and doing paperwork until my stamina returns. My mind is willing, but my body is weak.

22. First day of fall and the leaves are already changing. One day I would really love to live in some hot climate. Just saying.

23. Doctor’s appointment today: New bloodwork ordered. Plan to return to work next Monday thru Wednesday for four hours times two weeks then reassess. I am sick this week with a sore throat and body aches. I’m looking forward to going back even in a limited capacity.

24. I was hoping to be productive, at least getting my bloodwork done and some groceries bought, but it’ll have to wait till tomorrow as today I feel too dizzy and fatigued.  What was it like to be healthy and do the things I wanted to do? They say it’s a sick person who understands what health is.

25. I managed to get a few errands done; my bloodwork, paying the mortgage, and buying food. Now I’m home and haven’t accomplished much else. I am a little concerned because the right side of my face is tingling the way it did before my severe facial pain started in January. It’s making me nervous. I can’t deal with that now. I have a plan in place to go back to work next week. I just have to get over this cold. My husband has his course at Seminary tonight so he won’t be home till after ten. My daughter and I will eat something he’s not a big fan of: chili.

26. I am reading Rebekah by Jill Eileen Smith. She’s one of my favourite authors of Biblical historical fiction. I hope my book can be half as good as hers.

27. My husband is going on an overnight men’s retreat, which I call a pajama party to tease him. My daughter is out overnight too. I should be happy about the time to myself, but I have enough of it in the day. I guess I’m needy, but I enjoy their company.

28. Cooking and cleaning for guests tomorrow. It’s our last guest speaker before our Pastor returns from his sabbatical. Those three months went by quickly.

29. Guests today, lots of food, great preaching.

30. I have a dental appt. this morning and then I start back to work, 3-7 Monday thru Thursday for two weeks, doing paperwork. I hope I can manage, dragging around this lump of a leg.

 

August 2013 Journalling

1.The weather has changed. August is so hit-and-miss weather wise. That’s why I prefer to take vacation in July, the one month you can be sure of good weather in Canada.

2. I’m feeling down today. This has not been a great year for me health-wise. I don’t know what’s up with my abdomen and shortness of breath, but something’s not right. I am booked for an MRI of my brain and spine because of my right leg weakness, and then nerve conduction tests if the MRI is inconclusive.

3. I have my lesson prepared for the September Women of Faith meeting. It’s another Scarlet Thread; Jesus as the Resurrection and the Life in the book of John. It looks at death bed conversions, and how Jesus raised people from the dead at different stages: recently deceased (Jairus’ daughter), during the funeral procession (son of the widow of Nain), after four days (Lazarus), Himself (unique, raised self, glorified body and did not die again), and then all others at the Resurrection and Judgment. Isn’t He amazing?

4.We had a guest over today. While we were eating inside, we heard a loud crash on  the deck. Our patio table spontaneously splintered into a thousand pieces. Weird, eh?

5. I’m not well. I can’t seem to do much without getting winded. I have my suspicions. I think it’s ovarian cancer, already spread to my diaphragm. I have it on both sides of my family. I don’t say anything to my husband, because I’m such a hypochondriac, and he thinks it’s just fibroids, but I don’t have the usual symptoms of bleeding and pain from that, and fibroids don’t cause shortness of breath. I have painless vague abdominal symptoms. I am full as soon as I eat a little bit and my abdomen is growing measurably. A month ago I wore a skirt to a wedding, because the others wouldn’t fit. Now that same skirt wouldn’t close. There was about two inches of space at the top. That is noticeable. I don’t know if the right leg weakness and low iron are related, or if they are three different issues, but something’s not right. I feel the fullness in my abdomen along the lower right side especially, but it’s overall just really firm.

6.  If I’m right about what’s going on with my health, this is my last normal day before I have to really cope with serious issues. I am more concerned as my shortness of breath is even worse and I have some discomfort in my right lower abdomen. I was already thinking about it last night and prayed that if God wants me to go through the valley of the shadow of death, that He’d go with me, because there is pain, darkness and fear there, and I couldn’t cope without Him.

7. I went for my abdominal and pelvic ultrasound this morning. It was a little uncomfortable when she was pressing down on my abdomen. I was a little suspicious when she asked about pain when she was checking out the right side, but my doctor won’t get the results for 3-4 days. It’s hard to wait. I just want to know what I’m dealing with and get it fixed. I napped two hours yesterday and today. No energy. I don’t really tell my husband my fears because he’s used to living with this hypochondriac. Here’s a joke: What was written on the hypochondriac’s tombstone? I told you I was sick. He just tells me to wait and see what I’m dealing with. I’m discouraged and depressed. I know something is going on in my abdomen. I’ll be the happiest person if I hear this is just fibroids. The alternative is so scary to me. Since my husband is at work all day, and my daughter is cat-sitting for my sister, and we have no dog to walk or keep me company, I’m alone with my morbid thoughts. On a positive note, I did write 2,600 words on my novel today, and passed the half way point on the way to my 60,000 word goal. I am excited about that project and it is flowing well. Plotting has made all the difference. I am writing Biblical historical fiction. The Bible has so much to work with by way of action, adventure and intrigue.

8. I got a call from Occupational Health today. I’ve got to get a Doctor’s note. I guess I have to make an appointment for tomorrow morning. I was hoping to wait until she had the results of my ultrasound, as I hate to go there just to get a form signed, especially since I’ll probably have to spend my whole morning there, waiting.

9. Going to visit my daughter’s home tonight. My mom, her sister and my mother-in-law are also going. It’ll be their first time visiting there.

10.So yesterday morning I went to the doctor’s to get a note for work. As I went there I started to feel even more short of breath. I asked to be seen right away because of it. When I got in the room it got worse, and I started weeping, and my hands and feet started tingling and then ringing, it was so bad. I also had numbness and tingling around my mouth, then my hands cramped and turned inwards like in a Trousseau’s sign when a person has low Calcium levels. My doctor ran in, made me look at her, told me I was hyperventilating and made me focus on something and breathe. She got me an Ativan and then it started to pass. Apparently it was a panic attack. That was my first and hopefully my last. It was so scary, I didn’t see it coming at all and didn’t know what was happening. The only way I can describe it is it’s like being alert through a seizure. Then I went to lie down in another room for a while and my husband came to pick me up. Anyway, in the meantime, she told me the results came back from my ultrasound and she had a note to call me to tell me the results since she knew I’d be worried. I guess I did my usual and internalized it and now this is what happened. So my ovaries were fine. Thank God! I’ve never been so happy to hear the problem is uterine fibroids. That’s why my abdomen has grown so much in the past two months. She also said I went back to work too soon. I’ve been off two weeks, and she’ll see me again in another two weeks to decide what we’ll do. In the meantime, she ordered a chest x-ray and echocardiogram to investigate the shortness of breath. I will be going for the brain MRI in early September because she thinks my right leg weakness, which is getting worse, is probably neuromuscular. I will also see a gynecologist. It may be necessary to have a hysterectomy, but we’ll see. So all that drama in the morning, and then we spent a nice evening in Burlington at my daughter’s home.

We had turkey burgers, corn on the cob and cherry pie. Today we cleaned, in short spurts, my husband finished staining the deck and cleaning out the hot tub. I also prepped food for tomorrow.

12. We had a guest speaker this morning. He is a young man, who is with Compassion Canada. We had him over to eat with us. I made stuffed mushroom caps, bruschetta, chicken pot pie with herbed dumpling crust, salad, and carrot cake and key lime meringue pie.

13. This week we’re at home and next week at the Carey Conference, then summer is over. L Of course, occ. health didn’t receive the forms from the doctor so now I have to head out to find a fax machine somewhere.

14. I had my chest x-ray on Saturday and am going for my echocardiogram today. My mom and her sister are in London till tomorrow. Packing for the Carey conference. My doctor said to go even though she gave me a sick note. I’m not well enough to work, but the conference should be relaxing.

15. We went for lunch today at my son-in-law’s parents’ restaurant. They serve only breakfast and lunch. They are Egyptian but it’s an Italian restaurant. It was good. They make their own pasta, too. They wouldn’t let us pay, of course. They said, “This is our house.” Then we went up the road to visit our daughter at her work at the Scott Mission Camp.

16. Also, I was visiting with my aunt and found out what I’d suspected; university is free of charge in Finland. They only pay for their books. Their taxes are very high, but they get quite a lot of services and they have a high standard of living. She said some Finns are not happy that non-residents can come there and also get a free education, even though they don’t contribute to the tax base, which is what a social democratic system is based on, so there’s some animosity because of it. Just thinking of my daughter’s university costs; $6,000 per year for her undergrad, and then about $25,000 per year, plus books and living expenses, since she wants to move out at that point. She’ll be looking for work and a bank loan for that to happen. We only promised to pay for any undergraduate degree. I’m thankful that we’ve managed to do that for both girls, so they didn’t graduate with any debt, like we did.

17. Heading to the Carey conference for a week. Staying in the same trailer as last year, but without our puppy. L Because the fax that my doctor’s office said went thru, didn’t, I was late getting the medical forms to occupational health, so I didn’t get a pay cheque. I made some calls and they are fixing it. Like most people, we live paycheque to paycheque, and this was an unexpected surprise.

18. Settled into our trailer, but what is that buzzing sound outside the door? I hate bees. My husband will dispatch them tonight. My hero!

19. Teeny tiny water tank in this place. No Hollywood showers. I have to pretend I’m in a submarine.

20. The main speaker, Conrad Mbewe (Em-Bay-Way) from Zambia, is very good. I’ll post the picture taken when they were over for dinner. Nice to renew acquaintances and friendships again. Also invited a young family over for a campfire and got to know them.

21. Went into Paris (Ontario) for lunch. We had a big campfire at our place tonight.

22. We’re having the speaker over for supper tonight.

23. Last day of the conference. It always goes so quickly. Excellent preaching. . I was so relaxed this year at Carey. No menu plans, no laundry, plenty of naps. My leg weakness is more pronounced than even two weeks ago when I saw the doctor. I think I should be more worried about it than I am, but I can’t go there. I don’t want to think worst case scenario every time, but I can’t lift my right leg more than one inch off the couch if I’m flat on my back, and I can only do that much because I use my abs. There has to be a reason for this. I hope when I see the doctor on Monday, I can have her try to move my MRI appt. up because it’s not till Sept. 14^th.

24. My brother-in-law’s birthday party tonight. Lots of laundry to catch up on. Today I woke up and suddenly I could lift my right leg straight into the air! How could that be? It was getting progressively worse, affecting my walking, then sudden improvement! It could still be something like MS since that tends to come and go, but each time it comes back it’s worse. I guess I shouldn’t get ahead of myself. My MRI is September 14^th and I see my neurologist and family doc after that.

26. Our youngest daughter is 21 today! We love her and are proud of the woman she has become. I have a mammo this morning (ack!) and a doctor’s appointment this afternoon. I hope to be able to go back to work in some capacity this week.

27. So in spite of my desire to go back to work, my doctor wants me to wait another month till I’ve had my MRI and neurology appointment. A little frustrating, since I’m not “sick” in the strict sense, but I have health issues that affect my stamina and stress levels. I also found out the Chest x-ray revealed I have old stress fractures in my ribs. They have never bothered me, but it was a surprise to learn the reason is probably that I have osteoporosis. Why not? Add it to my list of issues. Today I pushed myself and walked two hours to go to several stores, since I have no car while my mom is still down east. The time is more of a reflection of how slowly I walk than how far I walked. I’m so out of shape.

28. What is the smartest thing you did today?

      I set a daily word count for writing (981) and exceeded it. I wrote 2,037 words today. Since I’m off for at least 25 days I’m going to make the most of it and treat my writing like a job. I have about 25,000 words to go on my first draft. I’d love to finish it by the end of September, Lord willing. A goal is a dream with a deadline, after all.

29. My mom, aunt and sister came back from their trip down east yesterday. It’s good to have them back. They had a great time. Wrote 1,035 words today, but they didn’t come easily. I guess all that matters is I got ‘er done.

30. Ready to start writing. I think I’ll write the scene about Saul’s slaughter of the priests and people of Nob. That should more than amptly meet my word count for the day. Dinner is a roast chicken from the grocery store, sweet potatoes and salad. Yesterday we had Atlantic salmon, teriyaki vegetables and fresh bread. I am a lazy cook so we end up eating the same 15 or so meals every two weeks. You wouldn’t know I was such a boring cook if you saw my Pinterest boards.

31. It’s a long weekend but we don’t have very exciting plans, except maybe invite friends over for a bbq on Monday. The EX is on, but it would be too much walking for me.

 

July 2013 Journalling

1.What was the lowest point of your day?

       Feeling so nostalgic with each thing we did on Kody’s last day. I’m going to miss him. I will post a picture of him swimming. He has the curliest tail, yet when he swims he straightens it up like a periscope so he won’t get it wet. Silly puppy.

2. Today I was so sad. Putting Kody down was so hard. I think I took it the hardest. I’m glad we were able to be with him to the end. He didn’t suffer. They gave him one injection that calmed him, because at first he was breathing so fast, and he had to be muzzled. Then they waited ten minutes and gave the other injection which caused him to exhale and that was it. But when the doctor listened to his chest, he gave him another injection as he said he had a strong heart. Then we left him there and came home. I started cleaning up his stuff. I guess that was my way to cope. I have to work three nights this week. I hope I won’t be too weepy.

3. Hard night at work last night. I was very weepy, remembering Kody’s  last moments. I want to move past that to remembering just the good times, but right now that’s the only image in my head. I want it undone. I want him back. Also work was very busy and tonight is Urology night, my least favourite.

4. Happy Fourth of July to my American friends and relatives, and Happy July fourth to the Canadians.

5. I’m on vacation for 17 days! Have I mentioned I love my job?

6. We’re hosting a dinner party this evening with a Finnaican theme. What’s that, you ask? It’s a mix of Finnish and Jamaican food. It should work. I’m making Finnish fish soup with crisp bread, Jamaican crab cakes with a jalapeno aioli, Finnish cucumbers vinaigrette, Jamaican curried chicken, rice and peas, fried okra and tomatoes, fried plantain, and Finnish pancakes (crepe-type) with fresh strawberries and whipped cream.

7. What is the last book you read? Destiny’s Hands by Violet Nesdoly about Bezalel, the craftsman who did most of the work on the tabernacle during the wilderness wanderings. Also, a busy day today. It was our Pastor’s last Sunday before a three month sabbatical. Also, final practice tonight for our DVBS play, with the secret agent theme.

8. DVBS started tonight, with two dozen kids or so. It runs so smoothly now that it’s our third year. The play went well. I’m tired. Not as young as I used to be.

9. Tonight was a wonky night with the play; technical difficulties and forgotten lines. We made grilled cheese using our ninja skills, making twelve at a time.

10. Today my youngest daughter and I went for mani-pedis. Quite nice, but I didn’t get any writing done, unlike the past few days where I wrote about 3,000 words of fiction and 600 of non-fiction. I felt good on those days. This afternoon I made enough mac and cheese for sixty people tonight. DVBS has grown since the first night. There are about 40 kids. They’re loving the play and are getting the jokes.

11. Apparently, while we were doing the first night of our DVBS on Monday, there was a HUGE thunderstorm in Toronto that knocked out power to 300,000 people and dropped a month’s worth of rain in a few hours. Many major roads were flooded and a GO train was also flooded as high as the bottom of the seats on the lower level, so 1400 people, rush hour numbers were crammed into the upper levels until 1 a.m. when the marine unit was finally able to get them evacuated. They used two dinghies and got ten people per dinghy off the train. At one point there was even a water snake on board, someone recorded it on their camera. It was a good week to be on vacation and not worry about commuting nightmares. Can you imagine if you already had a bad day at work on a Monday and then that happens when you’re trying to get home? They were kind Canadians, helping each other charge cell phones and sharing food and stuff. As much of an ordeal/adventure it may have been, it’s not so bad. They were inconvenienced, but never in any real danger. People knew where they were and they were evacuated as quickly as possible.

12. Tonight is the last day of DVBS. The Chief (me) who has been pre-recorded so far, will be making an appearance in person. Some kids have guessed I am the Chief and the voice of Tracker, the dog. I will also try to make some raspberry jam today, and get more writing done.

13. Heading to London for a family get-together since my aunt Merja is here from Finland. We’ll stay overnight. I would have liked to hear Dr. Tony Costa preach at our church, but we can’t do it all. He’ll be back in August.

14. We’re packing up for an attempted beach day tomorrow. We’ll do day trips this week for our Stay-cation.

15. Beach day at Lake Simcoe, at Sibbald Point Provincial Park. Over 40 degrees Celsius today with humidity. I love relaxing by the water. I was so relaxed I didn’t even take pictures, I just ate, slept, read, wrote, and swam. It was so hot, I loved it. The water didn’t even require any time to get used to it.

16. We were going to go check out the Mesopotamia exhibit at the ROM today but decided to wait for a rainy day. We’ll enjoy the sunshine and go to some restaurant patio instead. We have all winter to do indoor things. Summer is short and we are on our final week of vacation, well, until our next two weeks off in August.

17. I’m loving this heat. It’s about 45 C with humidity, or 100 F. My husband and I drove to Cobourg and walked around the quaint small town and ate lunch at a Greek restaurant. Then we went to Ten Thousand villages and saw an art exhibit at the town hall.

18. Enjoyed the Mesopotamia exhibit, learning about the Sumerian, Assyrian and Babylonian culture. The only thing I didn’t like was the slant against anything recorded in the Bible. It’ll say, the Bible says...but actually...

Also, they put any Biblical event like the Babylonian captivity in quotes almost like they are calling it into question, even though they don’t do it with other events. Yet they have Nebuchadnezzar’s documents telling about the capture of King Jehoichin. They also messed up the Bible timeline, assuming we believe that the tower of Babel was modelled on Nebuchadnezzars giant ziggurat. Nebuchadnezzar was so much later, and Scripture records the tower’s builder as Nimrod. There was also an ancient city called Nimrud. Then we shopped at the Eaton Centre and ate out at a patio. It was stifling hot downtown. I even ordered my first beer. Yes, at age 49! I couldn’t finish it though. I drank about a third, and then went back to ice water, which didn’t leave an aftertaste. Totally exhausted at the end of the day.

19. Nice day. I wrote some more. I woke the other morning, compelled to write the chapter based on the Amalekite raid of Ziklag, of all things. Well, what can I say? When the muse says write! I write. This book won’t write itself. Then I went grocery shopping, and we managed to have a bbq before the thunderstorm hit. We made steaks, grilled vegetables, salmon skewers, corn on the cob, fresh bread and a fruit platter. Now relaxing with a glass of my faux wine. That’s all I can drink these days because of my medications.

20. My husband and I are going to a TFC soccer game. They’ll lose, again, I’m sure, but we’re mostly going to see Thierry Henry who plays for the opposing team, the New York Red Bulls. I hope he won’t be off sick or injured. Soccer games are the only time my husband will agree to wear matching shirts, our TFC jerseys. J

21. Last full day of vacation. I will work three weeks, then I’m off for another two. Have I mentioned I love my job?

22. Still having a hard time, thinking about Kody, even now at three weeks. It’s hard to even drive through the neighbourhood where we used to walk. Oh, puppy, I miss you!

23. I was back at work last night. Short staffed and very busy, but they call it work for a reason.

24. I mailed off the blanket I made for my friend in exchange for a painting. I think she got the short end of the stick, so I paid her. I understand that artists should be paid for their work. My crocheting isn’t art, just a craft, so I wouldn’t expect or want payment for it. It was something to pass the time when my mind wasn’t 100%.

25. One more night. I wonder if I’ve just been away from work for too long, because I feel so disorganized and overwhelmed even when I just have five patients.

26. Errands today: dropping off full bags of dog food at the animal shelter, dropping off old clothing at Value Village, paying bills, working on my novel. I’m more than 1/3 of the way through. I’m aiming for about 60,000 words. Also, it’s our 27^th wedding anniversary today, but we won’t go out till next week.

27. Doctor’s appointment today. She called to discuss bloodwork results from last week, but I already had a list of issues to discuss. I’ve been so short of breath, even from one flight of stairs. I also think my hiatus hernia has gotten worse. It slides up into my chest after I eat. Very uncomfortable.

28. So I found out why I’m so winded. My iron (ferritin) is very low. Normal is 30-300 and mine is 4. We don’t know why, so I’m starting on iron supplements and we will check for an ulcer by another bloodtest. Also, I am concerned about my blood sugar, and weakness in my right leg. I didn’t even notice that I’ve been compensating for it by physically picking it up when I’m getting dressed. I need to go back to the neurologist about that. I’m falling apart now that I’m 49. Also my husband preached this morning. He did a good job.

29. Early morning bloodwork done. I am weak but I don’t feel I should call in sick to work, but I really don’t feel well. I am cold and tired and nauseous. Yet I’m working four nights this week.

30. Somedays I prove I’m a natural blond. The mouse needed a new battery so I changed it, yet it still wasn’t working. My husband came home, turned the battery the right way, and surprise, it worked!

31. I didn’t go into work at all this week. Something’s not right. Such vague symptoms. Some nausea, shortness of breath, abdominal fullness. I don’t know what’s going on. I went back to the doctor, and she ordered an abdominal and pelvic ultrasound for next Wednesday. I am also seeing the neurologist on Friday about this new right leg weakness. I am falling apart here!

 

June 2013 Journalling

 

1. I'm excited about this month. I am back to work, feeling better, I will attend my first Writer's Conference, and we'll celebrate my husband's 50th birthday.

2. Good day at church today. A thought provoking adult class at church, discussing controversial Bible verses about the role of women, particularly the verse about “she shall be saved in childbearing”. Also two great messages by a guest speaker, whom we had over for burgers and corn on the cob.

3. When did you last sing out loud?

Yesterday in church.

4. What was the last gathering you attended?

The largest was church last Sunday, the smallest was a rehearsal for the play we’re doing for DVBS this summer, last Friday. I am the voice of the dog, Tracker, and the pre-recorded sections of the Chief.

5. Did anything make you sad today?

A sad case at work today; a man my age, just diagnosed this week, who has a few weeks to live. I don’t know if he realizes how sick he is.

6. This evening we filmed my scenes as The Chief, for our DVBS. It’s a secret agent theme. The Chief will show up on the monitor. I had wardrobe changes and my hair was done into a severe bun on the top of my head. I’m supposed to be an uptight, bossy, rule-enforcer. (That’s a stretch!)

7. List 5 things you wish you invented.

The can opener, the personal computer, the automobile, the submarine, the airplane. Of course, I couldn’t even design the can opener. So much for wishes.

8. What’s the last recipe you prepared?

Banana cake last Saturday.

9. Share a secret thought.

I’m afraid I can’t because there is more than one of you, and the definition of a secret, as any kid knows, is that a secret is something is told to just one person at a time. J

10. What made you lose track of time today?

Writing like crazy to prepare for a Writer’s Conference this week. I’m almost ready. Just need to print several copies of my work, pack my business cards, etc. I’ll pack my clothes on Wednesday.

11. What are you confident about?

My salvation; not because of me, but because of Christ. A good illustration of assurance is that of a child crossing the street with his father. It’s not the child’s grip on the parent that ensures his safety; it’s the father’s grip on the child.

12. Heading to the Write!Canada conference. I’m excited and nervous, too. It’s not like me to go to a new place where I know no one. I met a writer thru the ACFW group on line, who will be there and she said she’d be my friend. Isn’t that nice? Please pray for me, as I have those three appointments.

13. What is the last purchase you made?

I bought some books at the Writer’s Conference, of course.

14. What is your favorite dish to prepare?

Atlantic salmon.

15. How many push-ups can you do?

To answer that I’d have to try, but let’s just assume I already know the answer is none, unless you count girly push-ups, then I can do about 20.

16. What are you looking forward to?

Celebrating my husband’s 50^th birthday. He had cancer at age 35 so we’re happy to see each year. We’re having a come-and-go party on the 22^nd. Today is Father’s Day. Roast beef dinner after church, and he went out for frozen yogourt with our daughter.

17. We had a Seniors’ luncheon today. I made four soups. Then we took my husband out to the Keg for a steak and lobster dinner.

18. LOOOOOVED the Write! Canada conference. I’m so glad I went. I talked with two agents about my book idea and they both gave me their contact information and asked me for a proposal when my manuscript is complete! I am so excited! I’m not under any delusions that means anything. All I was hoping was that if I ran my book idea past them, and they didn’t like it, they could give me some advice on how to improve it, but I was pleased that they both liked it as is. Also the classes were so helpful and inspiring, and I met so many nice people. I came home exhausted, though.

19. I’m going to Grimsby this evening to speak at their Ladies’meeting. I’m doing a Bible study of Eve and am also sharing my testimony. My husband is kind and will be driving me, as I’m not a fan of driving far, especially at night. He’s the best.

20. I bought some potted flowers for outside the house. It’s as green as my thumb gets.

21. What project are you working on? Testimonies of Faith, a book of testimonies of the members of our church for its 50^th anniversary next year. I’m pulling it together and seeing about getting it published thru a Christian self-publishing company in Belleville.

22. Tonight is a come-and-go open house to celebrate my husband’s 50^thbirthday and 15 years cancer free. We invited about 30 people. Hopefully they won’t all arrive at the same time. When I get stressed over the prep, I just have to remind myself that life is about moments like this, and we are celebrating a good thing.

23. Last night the party was good, except later in the evening our dog bit the seven year old daughter of one of our guests. He got the top of her head in two places, near her ear, and on her finger. She’s okay, and we’re not worried about long term damage, thankfully. I know it could’ve been much worse. I don't know how to write this, as it breaks my heart, but in light of what happened with Kody and the little girl, and his previous history of aggression, and biting two little dogs and injuring them, we can't risk an even worse incident. We have to give Kody away or take him to a shelter. I wanted there to be another option, but think what would have happened if he had ripped her face and she would have been scarred for life, or even killed! Even my eldest is worried about their future kids, and we've considered that, too. There is no way he could be around our grandchildren. We can't just keep apologizing when an incident happens when he's had a history. We'd be responsible because we did nothing about it. We've tried training and looked into behavioural therapy, but he has serious issues and as much as we love him and he's part of our family, we can't handle him. We are not solitary people out in the country. We socialize and children and strangers (to him). As much as I can’t imagine life without him after more than two years, we have decided we need to bring him to a shelter. He is a beautiful dog and I’d hope someone else could take him, but his temperament won’t change, and he is dangerous, so I know he’ll probably be put down, and that breaks my heart. We decided to bring him to the Humane Society on Friday, since I wouldn’t be able to work and function this week, but after Thursday, I’m off for five days, so I can grieve. I can’t imagine how I’ll cope on that day. I know I seem detached from it, but believe me, the screen is blurry for a reason. I love Kody and I will miss him so much. We’ve told the girls and my youngest, who lives here, is taking it the hardest, as we expected. She understands the reasoning for it, but feels we’re giving up on him.

24. I cried myself to sleep last night and now I’m awake. My puppy was my first thought and he made me cry again. I know we’re beginning to grieve our loss and it’ll go on for a long time but, man, it hurts! Notice I still call him puppy, even though he’s 2-1/2? I have a dental appointment this morning. I really don’t feel like getting lectured about flossing when Kody is on my mind. Also, these three night shifts I’m back to regular unmodified hours.

25. So we looked into taking Kody to a shelter, but they are full and they said the likelihood is that he wouldn’t get adopted since he has this history of aggression. Then I thought I would rather just have him put down so we could be with him till the end and he’d know we love him, than to send him to a shelter where he’d feel abandoned and lonely, and then he’d be put down a month or so later. Then, on my way to work today, my husband called to say Kody needed to be put down right away, according to the vet, maybe even tonight. That was hard for me, even though I knew it was necessary, because I hadn’t said goodbye. I cried through most of my shift, but then booked tomorrow off so I could be there with him at the end.

26. The vet called this morning. Apparently, the hospital where they took the little girl is supposed to give the health dept. a report, and then they come to our house to see the dog. Usually there is a ten day wait from the time of the attack, but since he has a history, it was a child, and he bit her head, they can waive the time delay and give the order to the vet. All day we’ve been waiting, hoping to hurry it along and delay it at the same time. We feel anticipatory, delayed grieving, yet we want to enjoy whatever time we have with him while he’s here. There’s grief coming either way. The health dept. just called and said they can’t waive the ten day confinement for the sake of the person who was bit, just to confirm there is no rabies, although his shots are up to date. So July 2^nd will be the day he is put down. It helps to know when it will happen, even as you see the days count down, because we can spoil him and enjoy whatever time we have left with him.

27. The Health Dept. inspector came by today, just to reiterate what he said over the phone and give me the written order. We have no plans to not comply, but this way they could enforce it if we refused. We are focusing on Kody week and will deal with grieving once he’s no longer with us. My daughter is resigned to it now and is avoiding guilt and blame. She will come with my husband and me on the morning it will happen. We want to be with him to the end.

28. DVBS practice tonight. Also, my aunt arrived from Finland and is staying till September.

29. Attending a wedding of one of our deacons, today. It’s an outdoor wedding at the University of Toronto. I hope it doesn’t rain.

30.Tomorrow is Kody’s last full day. We are taking him out for a hike and swim and driving through Dairy Queen for ice cream. Last night my eldest daughter and her husband came by to see Kody one last time. Also, Kody’s first owner also is coming over tonight.