The Top of the Hill

 

 

 April Journaling

1.   No tricks today for April Fool’s Day. Actually, I’m not a fan of pranks. I spent the morning at Wings Maternity Home. I’m trying to build up my stamina for work. Then I sent off the manuscript for the Testimonies of Faith book I edited for our church’s 50^th anniversary. Yay! I accomplished something off my year’s To Do list.

2.  My husband put together a bookshelf for me last night, so today I’m cleaning my writing room. Finding all kinds of helpful documents I’ve collected over the years, but then forgot about.

3.  My mom is in London, helping my aunt who fell on the ice and broke both her arms. I had my follow-up appointment with my surgeon today. All’s well. I will go back to work April 15^th without restrictions. Continuing Estrogel, which is working well so my hot flashes are less frequent and less severe.

4.   Spent the day choosing the playlist of songs for my party. Flashback to my past listening to them on youtube. Also sent out the invitations on-line.

5.   Taught the Women of Faith today. We studied Psalm 24, Who is this King of Glory? It was such a blessing, even to me, and I wrote it!

6.   We had a few Pastors from Malawi at church today. I also got an idea for a future article so I started researching and will have it written so that when my editor asks me for another article, it will be ready.

7.   Crocheting and cooking. Applied for a liquor licence for my party today.

8.  I went to volunteer at Wings. I did some cooking and also drove one of the girls to the dentist to get her wisdom tooth extracted. Then my husband and I went to the mall so he could buy a few shirts.

9.  My husband took the day off to do something with the car.

10.  Working on party plans, then my husband and I went to order the speakers and things for the music for my party.

11. Volunteered at Wings again. The food is amazing there. Also went for a walk with their dogs and a baby.  My aunt Helena died last night of ovarian cancer. She was one of my dad’s older sisters.

12. The first truly warm day of spring. We went for a walk, put out the deck furniture, bbq’d steak and took a nap.

13.  Heard the testimonies of NINE people this morning, asking for baptism and/or membership. It was a long morning, but a nice problem to have.

14.  Doctor’s appointment this morning, then to Occupational health for an all clear to return to work tomorrow night.

15. I got a haircut and my eyebrows done in preparation for returning to work. Also picked up the groceries and took a nap. I’m a little nervous about going back but not as bad as I expected. I think I’m ready. Also, officially accepted our daughter’s application to Law School at Queen’s University in Kingston, Ontario. Woo Hoo!

16. Work was good last night, I was able to ease into it. I seemed to remember what to do.

17. Another good shift.

18. It’s Good Friday. I wasn’t able to get to our service this morning since I needed to sleep after my shift.

19. Easter dinner at my mother-in-law’s house. Also, I signed the contract for the book, Testimonies of Faith. Even though it’s a self-published book, it’s still exciting. Today is the day between. But don’t worry, Sunday is coming.

20.   Two baptisms this fine Resurrection morning. Christ is risen; He is risen indeed.

21. I set up an iTunes account and purchased some songs for my party. We also went for a long walk by Lake Ontario with my mom and daughter. Also my daughter found out she was accepted at Osgoode Law School at York University, which was originally her first choice, but she’s pretty sure she would rather go to Queen’s University.

22. A good night at work, but it ended with a surprise staff meeting. Blah, blah, blah.

23. A bit of an emergency at work this morning to end my shift.

24. A busy night and I had a doctor as a patient. Ay, ay, ay.

25.  Meeting with my caterer tonight, aka my son-in-law’s brother.

26.  My mom’s heading off to London, Ontario to look after my aunt again, since she broke both arms in a fall.

27. I registered for the Write! Canada conference for June. This will be my second one. I was hesitating but then when I chose classes and planned my time, I got excited. It’s an important part of my second career. I won’t be nursing forever, but hopefully I will always write. It also pushes me to have certain things prepared, like my elevator speech, my pitch, my query letter, my proposal and my synopsis. I also need to do a one-sheet about my novel, and have my business cards ready. I hope to meet with a professional photographer while there so I can get one good head-shot picture to use in all media related to my writing.

28.  I’m only working two nights this week since I am taking Wednesday off for

      my actual 50^th birthday, and Thursday as a bereavement leave for my aunt.

29.  My goal is to do 50 random acts of kindness to celebrate my birthday, but because of my shift, I will have to spread them out over a few days, maybe even a week, but I’m determined.

30.  I’ve reached the top of the hill! I’m fifty today. So thankful to God for the blessings in my life. I managed to do 20 of my 50 random acts of kindness before breakfast.

Recovering, Planning and Writing

March Journaling

1.     I did a bit of editing of my novel based on suggestions from my critique partner, so I feel good about that, but no real “creative” work. Also, I received a book I ordered on life in Bible times and it’s very helpful for setting in my novel.

2.     Stayed home from church again, recovering, but I listened to last weeks’ sermon on-line. He is beginning a series on Jonah, which I was looking forward to hearing. Our Pastor does narratives so well. You can hear it under sermons at www.faith-baptist.ca Also, I am working on the plans for my party. I am putting together the music play list for the d.j. I have to find one who will play only what I want. I’m a bit of a control freak that way, but hey, it’s my party.

3.     Out to the grocery store today. I can walk slowly and have the cart to hold onto. I have help lifting the groceries in and out of the car.

4.     Blogged about the awkward years of the last half of public school. Also writing the introduction to the book I’m editing for church. I heard back from the publisher and it takes about three months from the time they write the contract up to completion. I need to get it to them by the end of this month, then.

5.     Was able to get onto my work account so I can print my T-4. I also made chocolate cake waffles for dessert. We ate corn on the cob and Northern smelts.

6.     Went out to the mall with my husband, so I could get some exercise. I’m getting stronger. We also bought props for the photo corner for my birthday party.

7.     I made beef stew in the crockpot today. It worked out well. Otherwise, another wasted day.

8.     My outing was grocery shopping with my husband. Also did research, reading a book about everyday life in Bible times. Horrible news about that Malaysian airlines plane crash.

9.     Sunday. I will attempt the evening service tonight. It’s a little shorter, time-wise for me, so more manageable. I feel like I’ve been away forever.

10.    Finally! After some much needed research I was finally able to write a scene that belongs in one of my earlier chapters. Now to finish up the last few scenes near the end, and I should be able to write, The End. My husband dragged me out for a walk in our neighbourhood. I haven’t gone out on those paths in the seven months since we put our dog down. It made me cry. Then I came home and made brownies, because nothing but chocolate would help.

11.    I went out for breakfast with a lady from church, or rather she took me out for breakfast. It’s one of my favourite meals, even if I always get the same thing; eggs. Then a long nap because I didn’t sleep well last night.

12.    Working on editing the Testimonies of Faith book, but I’m feeling a little frustrated by some people’s change in plans. I am the editor and I’d like to continue the book in the direction it was proposed two years ago, so I can meet my deadline.

13.   A good writing day on my novel. I read through part of it. I’m at 70,000 words and can see that I need to write just a few more scenes. I see an end in sight. So encouraging. Also celebrating that our youngest daughter was accepted at Law school. It’s not her first choice, and she may still hear from the other schools, but at least there is this option for the fall.

14. I went out to get a new photo for my health card, then my mom took me out for lunch and I went grocery shopping. A little cleaning tonight, as we’re having a couple from our church over for burgers in the evening.

15. I baked some Carmelitas, and vacuumed upstairs. May have been too much, but I’ve got to push myself to have more stamina. Work will be here before I know it.

16.   Made it out to church this morning. A long morning, but I’m glad I went.

17.  I had a good writing day today; mostly dividing up my chapters into manageable sizes, adding an appropriate Bible verse at the beginning of each, and updating my chapter synopsis record which is needed for a proposal. I was able to see which scenes still need to be written, and began keeping track of who’s who so I stay consistent with names and descriptions.

18.  Planning a lazy dinner of leftover fried chicken and perogies so if I’m on a writing roll this afternoon, like yesterday, I won’t have to stop everything for the big production of dinner. Why does my family need to eat…every…day?

19.  Out for lunch with my mom and sister; my treat. I don’t have much to spend my money on since I’m mostly at home and saving money on transportation. Then we stopped at an Estonian bakery for some meatpies. I made chicken noodle soup to go with them.  I also decided on cupcakes for my party, instead of a cake.

20.   A friend came over to help with planning my party and making props for the photo corner. Also excited to learn my eldest got a social work job at the Yonge Street mission and my youngest was accepted into law school for September. So proud of my girls.

21. Pretty good writing day. I made pea soup in the crock pot and we ate it with dark sour rye bread. Suddenly I'm a kid again. It was comfort food.

22.  Went out for dinner for my niece’s birthday. She agreed to be the photographer for the photo corner at my party.

23.  My husband filed our taxes today. Our return should help pay for my party.

24.  Church this morning, with a missionary couple from Romania whom we support. Then my daughter and I went for a cupcake tasting and chose the flavours for the dessert for my party.

25.  Haven’t accomplished much today except for improving my procrastination skills. Will go to IKEA tonight for a walk and maybe to get some kind of storage for my writing room to get this stuff up off the floor.

26. A little further on the manuscript I need to send to the publisher on Friday. Just need to do a final proofread and decide on formatting.

27.  My mom is 74 today. I had taken her out for lunch, but as usual, she insisted on cooking dinner and my sister’s family came over.

28.  Found a nice fish and chips place nearby. Something different.

29.  My husband went to a men’s breakfast at church. I prepared a message for the April Women of Faith on Psalm 24, Who is this King of Glory?

30. Missionaries at our church today, then a Providential dinner. Long day, but I’m feeling stronger.

31. More party planning, bought a few things like tablecloths. Also taken out for lunch by my friend. I have nice friends. The party planning is coming along. Also finished the manuscript for the Testimonies of Faith book for our church. Will send it tomorrow.

The Awkward Years

Junior Highschool. That’s grades 6-8, isn’t it? Our public school in Sault Ste. Marie consisted of Kindergarten thru grade 8, then highschool. But if I was to focus on those three years, I’d say they were probably the three worst years of my school career.

When I was moving up to grade four, they decided to take six of the most advanced from our grade, of which I was one, and add them to a split grade four/five class. Suddenly, the group I had been with since age five, I’d only see at recesses. I found it quite stressful to be in a new environment.

I’m not sure what their thinking was in splitting us up. If it was to give us an advantage somehow, I don’t think it worked. In fact, I’m sure it backfired. My marks plummeted for the first time in my educational career, beginning in grade six, and my shyness became paralyzing, even once I was back with my former classmates in grade eight.

Up until grade five, I was a good student, actually a very good student, straight A’s right through. The only comments about me personally, were that I was very shy. An understatement if there ever was one. In grade five I was even the teacher’s pet. My Scottish teacher, Mr. Morris let me do whatever hairbrained schemes I’d come up with, like organizing a beauty pageant in class. Yeah, dumb ideas like that.

In grade six, my teacher, Mr. Willinsky, was a hippie, and he was my teacher for two years, since I’d be in this split class until I finally rejoined my class again for grade eight when the upper half of my class went on to highschool. He also followed the thinking of the time, and put all our desks in a circle rather than in rows, and it ratcheted my stress level through the roof to have everyone looking at me every time I answered a question.e ev

 If there was one good thing about that time, it’s that I became an avid reader, getting lost in the world of books such as Harriet the Spy, Island of the Blue Dolphins and Nancy Drew mysteries. I also turned inward and began writing. I was a dreamer, and to many I would seem to be clueless, but I was processing all that happened around me, and imagining better realities. My writing consisted of journals and stories, the most significant was one about a fictional best friend of mine who dies of cancer. I don’t think I even have it anymore, but my hippie teacher read it an encouraged me in my writing. I guess he wasn’t so bad after all, even though he was a hippie.

My shyness was at a crisis point, paralyzing my actions. At the same time, I became more solid in my faith and that made me even more pensive, looking at the world through a new lens. I had my first crush in grade five, and after that, it was one ‘love affair’ after another, all in my mind, of course. I was too scared to actually talk to any boys.

I didn’t struggle with acne or anything like that, but I had body image issues, like most girls. I kept my hair short and was slow to develop, so I would sometimes be referred to as a boy. It didn’t help that my real first name was unpronounceable and would always need to be repeated. See my blogpost, What's in a Name? http://piafinn.blogspot.ca/2008/09/whats-in-name.html  It was so bad that in grade six one boy gave me and my friend nicknames. She was chubby and I was flat-chested, so he called us Fatso and Flatso. Horrible, wasn’t he?

Overall, not a great time in my life. My mother’s alcoholism became worse and since she was my only parent, I tended to want to be anywhere but home. I especially loved being in Christian homes. I was determined that was the type of family I wanted to have and would hold out until God brought a Christian man into my life. At the same time, my mother became more hostile to my new faith and at first, forbade me from seeing my Christian friends. My sister’s intercession, convincing her it was better I was there than in trouble somewhere, softened her stance, and my faith grew.

Some people I knew, two teens, had committed suicide by overdose. In spite of all my issues, that was never something that crossed my mind, thank God.

A book that was helpful to me at that time was Hinds’ Feet on High Places, by Hanna Hurnard. The main character in that allegory was Much-Afraid, and I could relate to her so well. It encouraged me that I could grow and overcome on this journey with The Shepherd, and one day have a new name.

Books became my friends, and I began reading fiction. I especially liked Biblical, historical fiction and recall a book called Twice Freed, about Onesimus. I also learned so much just from my Bible reading, although it would have helped to have someone to explain things to me or to even have a commentary or study Bible. I wasn’t attending church so I had no one to explain the big picture to me. That’s probably why I am particularly fascinated with writing the Scarlet Thread; Discovering Christ in all of Scripture. It is so amazing to see Christ in the O.T. narratives and symbols. It connects the testaments and helps me to see the Bible as one book instead of two, or sixty-six.

Our circumstances and environments shape who we are, and those critical years shaped my faith, my love for reading and writing, and even my introverted personality. I guess I can’t complain too much, since I survived, but I wouldn’t wish those years back. Overall, that particular small town holds more painful memories than happy ones, and it was not surprising that when I moved to Toronto at age twenty, I changed my name. I had mostly outgrown my shyness and I was stronger in my faith. It was a fresh start for me. Like Much-Afraid, I finally had a new name.

Surgery

February Journaling

1.     Yay! I decided on a topic for my message; it’s based on the Assyrian invasion of Judah during Hezekiah’s reign. It’s about the fact that God hears the taunts and torments of our enemies.

2.     Doing research and writing my message for next week. Other than laundry and changing beds, it’s a pajama day. Thankful we cleaned the house on Thursday.

3.     Really! These hot flashes are ridiculous! And this while I still have my ovaries. I foresee hormonal issues ahead, as does my husband.

4.     I got tonight off because I have my pre-admit appointment at the hospital tomorrow.

5.     Ready for my message. I learn so much doing the preparation for the Women of Faith.

6.     Work was good. 

7.     Woke up to the sound of the vacuum and the smell of clean floors. Eldest daughter was visiting and she knew guests were arriving soon after I woke up. She’s our Felix, the other is our Oscar.

8.    Great meeting this morning, fifteen women, plus myself. Good discussion. Then watched Biathlon on the Sochi Olympics. I love biathlon. It’s my culture, started during the winter war against the Russians. Dinner party at a friend’s place. The menu was apps, then carrot-ginger soup, warm salad with walnuts, goat cheese and tomatoes, then lemon-shallot chicken in phyllo pastry with scalloped potatoes. Dessert was molten lava cake and ice cream.

9.    Church this morning. Long nap. Headache. Downton Abbey tonight.

10.  Three more night shifts then off for six days before my surgery on Wednesday. My husband is taking a week off.

11. Crazy night. I’m earning my money, and I feel I’ve come back to almost my usual strength and stamina.

12.  Final night, then I’m off for nine weeks.

13.  Breakfast out with my youngest daughter. We also decided my husband and I would go out tonight instead of tomorrow, for our Valentine’s Day date. We went to The Keg for steak and lobster. Delish! He also got me Turtles, strawberries, roses and a card. Yes, I’m a creature of habit, but I know what I like, and I like that he knows what I like. I can’t say what I got him in a public venue.

14.  Morning volunteering at Wings. Errands in the afternoon. I need to get ready for surgery and being cooped up for about a month. I want to buy more yarn, because you can never have too much yarn.

15. I saw my family doctor today to get forms filled out for my absence from work. She told me I’m going to get quite a sudden shock to my system. Got my eyebrows done.

16. Church today, then a Providential dinner, followed by pedicures with my daughter. Nine loads of laundry. How do we generate so much laundry?

17. This is Family Day in Ontario. My husband is off work, too. I ran a few errands but most stores are closed. Starting to pack for the hospital.

18.  Volunteering at Wings today, then a haircut and grocery shopping, so my family will get by for a while. My husband promises to cook; I hope it won’t be take-out only. I’m a little nervous about the surgery; it’s so different being on this side of the knife. I know too much of what can go wrong.

19.  Surgery day. I’m supposed to be in for two nights. I’ll report back when I can.

20. Home today after one night. Hospitals are not conducive to sleep. The surgery went better than I expected. I had severe pain in the recovery room but I’ve been relatively pain-free.

21.  My husband is taking a week off to be my nurse and man-maid. He thinks I’m liking it too much.

22.  I watched the country of my homeland defeat the U.S. in men’s hockey for Olympic bronze. My daughter tweeted a Finnish insult: Nice try U.S.A. Come back when you’re tough enough to sit on the top bench of the sauna.

23.  Was surrounded by my whole family today. Nice, but kind of exhausting. I also can’t believe Downton Abbey season four is over already.

24.  Semi-productive day, posted my Women of Faith message on the Scarlet thread blog, sent thank you messages and ordered some books. Cut my day in half by a three and a half hour nap.

25.  Shuffled for two hours in the mall, holding onto my husband. The exercise helped. He’s taken the week off work.

26.  Went to buy more yarn to finish some projects.

27. Long nap today. My hot flashes continue, but less severe with the estrogen replacement. Went to see Pompeii. If I wanted something historical, I should've watched a documentary. This was about gladiators.

28.  Not terribly productive days. I shower, rest, empty the dishwasher, rest, do a load of laundry (no lifting) and take a long nap. Then eat dinner and crochet on the couch while a watch t.v. What a waste. I know it’s only a week since surgery, but I was hoping to get more done on my novel. Maybe next month.

New Year

January 2014

1.   A good start to the New Year. My husband and I had an early morning hot tub, with a glass of champagne and orange juice, then I made brunch. Now we’re watching a soccer game and then I’ll take down the Christmas decorations.

2.  Pajama day. I love pajama days. Also doing some writing; I took a scene from my book which I had researched, and changed it from fiction to non-fiction to have a Scarlet Thread lesson ready for my next Women of Faith meeting. This one is on David’s census and how Christ is like David in the way He intercedes for His people and how His sacrifice is accepted.

3.   Neurologist appointment for an update. I find it a little frustrating that she thinks all my unexplained symptoms aren’t caused by Lyrica. I beg to differ. Until I started it, I didn’t have ten of these symptoms, and they’ve been unexplained by every test known to man.

4.   We have an old Nordic snow removal system, but boy, is her back sore!

5.   My husband preached at our church this morning. He taught from 1 Corinthians 13, which is usually read at weddings but not usually preached on. It was good to hear it in context. You can check it out on our church’s new website at faith-baptist.ca Sunday dinner was an impromptu lunch at The Mandarin. Then tonight, Downton Abbey: Season Four!

6.   Doctor’s appointment; received the official pronouncement that I can return to work with no restrictions. Happy to have the week off, with carried over vacation days!

7.   I spent the day at Wings Maternity Home. It’s just a few blocks away from me. It seems like a ministry I could get behind. I always wanted to be involved in a practical pro-life ministry.

8.   Last night I booked the venue for my 50^th birthday party. I am planning it myself because I’m a control freak and want it just so.

9.   We kicked our Christmas tree to the curb.

10. I had a few good writing days, about 2,000 words. The main point of the scene I was wrestling with was how much did a believer at the time of King David understand about law vs. grace or revelation about the coming Messiah. I don’t want to put understanding and clarity into their thoughts and words if it wasn’t realistic, but did they have any hints? I know three thousand years separate us, and as much as we are different, we are the same. Also had my hair highlighted, to cover my greys, and we went to a Film Festival our daughter helped organize at U of T to mark the 100^th anniversary of WW1. We saw Paths of Glory, starring Kirk Douglas.

11.  Women of Faith meeting. I spoke about a Scarlet Thread: Jesus as the Intercessor in David’s census.

12. Last day off. Back to work tomorrow, but so happy to be going back to night shift.

13. It’s coming back to me. I was a little achy, but hey, I have medications for that.

14.  Work was good. So happy to be off tomorrow for urology night. Have I mentioned I hate urology night?

15. Wiped out from work. Watching Jeopardy, my new addiction. My memory isn’t great. I can think of the correct responses, but not that quickly.

16. I ran a few errands today, and dropped off some of Kody’s unopened dog food at the place I will be volunteering. I need to get a police check done, which is standard operating procedure for volunteering.

17. Work was busy but okay. I am happy to have found out the date of my surgery; Feb. 19^th! So I have another month to prepare to be cooped up for two months recovering.

18. Stuff around the house, and friends who had to cancel last week are coming over for a hot tub tonight.

19. Church. Meeting about the 50^th anniversary of Faith celebrations. Changing directions with the book. Not sure how I feel about that. May not be enough time.

20. Dental appointment, and forms to police department. This week I work four twelves. Tired just thinking about it.

21.   Good night at work. I’m feeling more competent.

22.  Another cold snap. They call it a polar vortex. When I was a kid, they just called it winter in Canada.

23.  One of the other regular night nurses is also a believer. It’s nice to be able to share things with her.

24. After four nights, the next evening is pretty much wasted. Oh well, I have my books and my crocheting. Books and yarn make me happy.

25. I would have liked to hibernate today, but I had to get my pre-op bloodwork and paperwork completed and dropped off. Then laundry and cooking. I also made a tomato soup for tomorrow. I think I’ll make grilled cheese with it.

26.   Woke up with a sinus cold. Stayed home from church. Can’t be sick for work since I only have three weeks to go before surgery.

27.  Shovelled snow this morning. Good enough job, but my perfectionist ways make me disappointed in myself if I can’t scrape it down to the pavement, but the biting wind sent me inside.

28. What a night! Our secretary is off this week and the surgical charts were not prepared. You often don’t realize how good a job someone does until they’re not there to do it.

29. Another crazy night. Thankfully my last this week. Sent off another article to be published for Barnabas magazine. This one is a little longer and more of a devotional piece.

30. Friends coming from out of town for a night. Woke up to do five loads of laundry and clean my house. Refreshments and hot tub.

31. Visited with our Sarnia friends today, then napped. My husband, whom I love when he cleans my floors, like yesterday, earned extra points for giving me a lovely massage. Now time to get to work on my message for next week’s Women of Faith meeting. Still no idea on a topic.